When It's Not

A year ago this week I had surgery on my back. Following my doctor's orders, I stayed flat for 2 weeks, that was until Dec. 27. I herniated those disks mid-September, visited chiropractor, physical therapist, orthopedic surgeon, 2 neurosurgeons, acupuncturist, Asian medicine healer, Reiki and massage therapist, and ultimately chose surgery. The disks had herniated out to the side rather than the back, dripped down the bundle of sciatica nerves and calcified around those nerves. The calcification had to be chiseled away (doctor's term). As the nerves reawakened the pain was as great as prior to surgery, so then I spent another 2 weeks in bed waiting for the nerves to heal. I worked hard to heal, following all the doctor's orders, and by June I felt stronger than I had in a year.

All said, damn, it's been a year, and I'm basically reliving last year's holidays. I've already missed a season's worth of decorating my home, holiday crafting, Christmas concerts and parties, holiday shopping, hosting a party, family parties, grandchildren's Christmas recitals, candy-making, goodie-baking, and now I'm doing it again. I'm sad that once again my Christmas time will be spent in bed, in PJs, watching sappy Christmas shows, and hoping to eat something that doesn't give me nausea, heartburn, constipation, or the runs, and aching - physically and emotionally.

So when I hear the song, "It's the most wonderful time of the year," or "It's the hap, happiest season of all," I wonder, is it, will it ever be?

While I don't know what the 2013 holiday season will bring, what I can say is this, I live in HOPE. Yes, this eternal pragmatist is hopeful that 2012's Christmas will be better than 2011's (Christmas shopping is finished, Christmas cards are out, plenty of Christmas music to listen to, space heaters and hats to keep me warm), and that 2013's will bring new grandchildren (at least 2!) and 2 tickets to a Lower Lights concert.

Perhaps a simple Christmas is all that's really needed. Maybe my new tradition is this - enjoy the holiday moment rather than the holiday bustle. 

(These pics were taken during Christmas 2007. We have 16 grandchildren now, 2 on the way, and a son-in-law on the way in 2013).