Replies -

Thank you to all of you who emailed me with your thoughts. They are healing and friending, and I appreciate that so very much. Just a few of these - 

From Vicki - 

“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying.” Sarah Dessen, Just Listen

From Sheri - 

I'm sorry, these feelings are real and sometimes sucky! I think there are many stages in life as well as tragedies, losses, and changes that bring about this emptiness of where am I. I'm experiencing a bit of that right now, empty nest, end of school year... It's not the first week,first month, first year. It's after the relief settles, the newness leaves, or the nesting finishes. It's kind of like a birth without a baby to bring home. Things are supposed to be okay and will be, but how and when will I get there I don't know or sometimes comprehend. I'm not certain if everyone experiences this, but I think your/our need to have a schedule and a plan are part of a coping mechanism and sometimes that delays or interrupts what could be a more natural cycle. My thoughts :)

From Betty - 

Ah, peace within the journey... "The human experience".  It is so fucking difficult! 

I wish I could understand better what you are going through.  I have no personal experience with cancer in my own body.  Each cancer in my family has ended in death, so living beyond the trauma of treatment and recovery is something I cannot understand.  Though I certainly understand the prospect of trying to move on after your life has been forcibly altered. 

The only thing I can offer, it seems, is support for your feelings.  No matter what, your feelings are valid and an important part of healing.  Also, I can applaud you for your bravery in sharing your story.  It seems demons lurk larger when you carry them alone.  Hopefully that act alone will provide some catharsis. 

I believe in being a good listener (trying) and not sharing unsolicited advise.  But please allow me to share my creed of late, if you will:  Every joy and every trauma we experience contributes to the sweet amalgam, the glorious patina of imperfection that makes us who we are.  It is this very angst that allows us to reach other people in profound ways.  

Always nice to know you're not alone - thank you.