Sitting with the Self -

Two weeks ago Friday, late afternoon, text from a patient needing meds (and I'm the helpless chaplain). 

Last ten day, two nieces' baby showers, extended family dinner, and a nephew's wedding rehearsal dinner and absolutely stunning wedding and reception. And then speaking in church. 

This weekend - movie with friends, breakfast with friends, memorial for patient, book launch with friend, dinner with children. (And a couple of major "coulds" that I chose to let go of.)

And what have I learned? Because there has to be meaning here, right? Particularly with the first situation threatening my ability to be present and find joy. 

Stay in the moment. Feel the anger, frustration, anxiety, bewilderment, tension, stress, and then let it go. 

Michael Singer, in his book, The Untethered Soul (which is the best ever self-help book written) has quickly become my bible for all things emotional - good and bad. How do I deal with my insecurities, my introvert'edness when I really want to be present and not waste the week? 

"Once you learn that it's okay to feel inner disturbances, and that they can no longer disturb your seat of consciousness, you will be free. You will begin to be sustained by the inner energy flow that comes from behind you. When you have tasted the ecstasy of the inner flow, you can walk in this world and the world will never touch you. That's how you become a free being - you transcend." (pg. 87)

I acknowledged the early cloud for what it was, acknowledged that I had control rather than the situation having control. 

I acknowledged my lack of desire to be social, and then set that aside for the excitement of seeing family and the desire to be present in all situations. 

Singer says, "Awareness does not fight; awareness releases. Awareness is simply aware while everything in the universe parades before it." 

I have been overwhelmed with my ability to live in joy, acknowledge the moment, stay present, and be true. Hanging out with my self and my friends and family has been so good for my soul. Whether I contributed or not, I showed up (which is a contribution), even while negative energy knocked at my door. I opened my door, acknowledged and then excuse the energies that tend to rob me of those moments of beauty. Choosing to sit with myself.