Spiders and People - And Webs We Weave -

I have an armful of flowers, and the vase I pull off the shelf in the basement storage room has a spider in it. Crap. 

Putting the flowers down and gently carrying the vase upstairs I decide to give that spider a chance at life outdoors. I tap the vase, the spider crawls to the base. I shake the vase, and the spider spits out silk and weaves itself an area of safety. I lay the vase on its side, hoping the spider will crawl out, walk inside, put the flowers in a glass. I wait. I watch. I tap on the vase, again. Nothing. 

That spider is not going to move. I contemplate drowning the spider and getting on with my flowers, but after a half an hour, what's another few minutes. 

And yet it's evident the spider is more comfortable inside the vase, in its own web of comfort, than being "freed," and able to live out its life in my flower bed. 

Is this my idea of a spider's freedom, or the spider's? Is the spider even equipped to live outside? Yet it will surely die stuck inside, and at the bottom of, a relatively large vase. 

What to choose? 

And with those thoughts, many metaphors came to my mind, as well as Plato's Allegory of the Cave. Who is in the cave? Who is the teacher? Does the individual (or spider) really need "rescued"? And ultimately, is what is harmful for one living being harmless for another (or another living situation)? 

Finally I pull out a long stick, push it into the vase, break through a web that was over the vase, perhaps even keeping the spider a captive because of its own weaving, and nudge the spider out. It crawls out, hesitates, then scurries off the concrete and into the dirt of the flowerbed. 

And with that, I wash out the vase, pop in the flowers, and my day continues. 

And yet - the imagery has not left me. What am I a comfortable prisoner of? What webs have I woven that I'm not even aware of? And what is freedom? A glass vase in a dark cold basement or a garden of rich dirt and sunshine? 

Aaah, the webs we weave - 

The Secret to Unhappiness -

I've been reminded, again, of M. Scott Peck's seminal book, The Road Less Traveled. His first sentence is, "Life is difficult." And in accepting that truth, we can then move forward in happiness. And I'm reminded of the times I'm unhappy - 

Often when we are under stress we have the response of overthinking, ruminating, or worrying (think stuck record going over and over). Overthinking can lead to anxiety and depressing – and the more we overthink, the unhappier we can become. That’s the secret! Worry, and you become unhappy!

How to resolve this? Two ideas – create a worry journal – set aside a few pages in a notebook where (particularly at 2am) you can write down the things you’re ruminating on. Then set it aside, knowing when you come back to the journal those worries will still be there!

Second – did you ever have office hours? How about using this same principle, yet calling it worry hours? You can set aside time every day to worry, ruminate, overthink, and then when that time is up (5-10 minutes perhaps), you can give yourself permission to leave it, knowing that the concerns have been dealt with, or know you have time set aside to worry again.

These two simple suggestions can help you be more realistic in your thinking and more constructive in your problem-solving. We are all going through various types of difficulties, every day. Why not make your life just a little easier right now by considering these practices.

Another secret to being miserable - that of not being grateful -

Two great books dealing with this topic are Peck's writing as well as a Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert.

Starfish Breathing -

After a few nights with minimal sleep, I thought I would share with you what works best for me when I cannot calm my brain, my body aches, and I cannot get back to sleep. This little practice is called Starfish Breathing. It looks like this:

  

Using your hand as that Starfish, breathe in as you go up your finger, hold at the top of your finger, and breathe out as you slide down your finger. You can do this physically, tracing the outline of your finger, or just in your mind, repeating this pattern 3 times.

Sometimes if my mind continues to race, I will add a prayer to this tracing – “Please Bless (inhale), hold, My mind to slow down (exhale).” Or, “I am grateful for, A nice warm bed.”

Or even, breathe into the pain, exhale the pain.

Works - most of the time! 

Being a Daughter is Tough -

This: Workingdaughter.com is saving my ass right now. 

It's a tough tough place to be, and my Western, Mormon, Woman culture did not prepare me for the dependent-independent dance I would be doing with the woman who taught me how to be independent. 

Thank you, You're welcome. 

Summer 2017

Fear, Hope, Change - Moving Forward -

This year has been overflowing with new and awkward and scary and unpredictable. I'll be first to say that this year's disasters jumped onto my back with my eyes wide open yet totally unaware. Taken by surprise, but not.

Interesting that just prior to leaving for Hawaii Scott headed to the grocery store to stock up on cleaners, disinfectants, Lysol wipes, alcohol and hydrogen peroxide, and water. Really a "just in case" reaction, not out of fear or even preparation.

Arriving at the airport as we headed to Hawaii, we were prepared with hand sanitizer, wipes for our seats and trays. As a precaution only.

And then as I hurt my foot, my mind was not on CoVid but cancelling our trip to Portugal, and then a day later, CoVid.

We came home from Hawaii to a world of social-distancing, quarantine'ing, and went from knowns to unknowns without notice. Interesting how this happened so quickly, and the world changed in a matter of days. My world, your world, everyone's world. 

I even have a half a blog post written about my amazing Hawaii time, and yet I can't get myself to finish it.
 
Yet as the hyper-awareness surrounded me, as well as my desire to go into this time documenting every moment, there is still this sense of what is new, what is temporary, what is normal, and how flexible do we need to be?

I mean - we can't travel internationally, but would a trip to Mt. Rushmore be ok?

We have our food storage and are preparing for something - disaster, economic failure, no access to supplies, yet we also bought a new dining room table and chairs - from needs to wants in a blink of the eye.

We weed the garden, paint the wall, rebuild the old car, all with eyes looking forward. When I hear folks talk about "returning" to normal, I full well know we can't "go back" or "return." That's an impossibility, but I also hear folks talking about the future in such disastrous terms, that I think, "This is why we want to return - to the known."

I've written so many times about returning to - and of course, that's impossible, but even when the unknown may be so much more, it is scary and we cling to the known, even when it's uncomfortable.

So here we are, talking about returning, when all we can do is move ahead. How about talking about forwarding? In a world of unknowns, where we've all been affected by the repercussions of this virus and so many other politically motivated actions, what does tomorrow look like? You're in charge - what do you want to bring with you? What do you want to leave? Where is hope in your vision?

What matters to you? What do you have a stake in? 

I recently hung this banner on my front window. As awkward and uncomfortable as change is, we do or die, freeze or fight or flight, or move forward - pensively, hopefully, cautiously, blindly, or eyes wide open, ready to reach, grasp, do, take the step or be - all are choices and movement. 

Your choice; My choice.