#23 - Healing
Honestly - I just don't heal/bounce back/forward from any sicknesses or injuries like I did pre-cancer. And although I'm 7 years older than I was pre-cancer, my body just does not mend as quickly or fully as it used to. And when I do get an illness or injury, it is full-force, not just a minor illness.
Today I had my annual well-woman physical. I walked in with a list of concerns and walked out with a list of supplements and prescriptions and a "see you in 4-6 weeks" nod. Then I went to the physical therapist, who said my feet should definitely be mending, said radiation and chemo are hard on a body for decades (same thing my doctor said), and ordered me to a boot for the next 2 weeks 24-7, and then daytime for another 2 weeks, just to boost the healing.
Or course this scares the shit out of me, and I hate having to be hyper-vigilant, and yet I hate even more being less-than what I know I can be.
I've learned to trust a few medical providers, and my doctor and this PT are ones whom I can totally trust, who get me, who know my aversion to prescriptions and crutches, who know I want to heal, who know I will listen and be as proactive as possible, and who know how difficult waiting is for me.
I'll purchase the supplements, pick up my prescriptions, put the boot on my foot, and heal!
So now - I mend.
Putting On My Kwan Yin
Honor Your Hard Healing Work
"Hey, why aren’t you all the way healed yet? Aren’t you trying? What? You’re not done? Well, when will you be done? You don’t know? Why not? How long will this take? I need to get on with things, and this is really holding me back.”
Sound familiar? This inner critic, this part of our minds that keeps us from being happy needs to be smacked down sometimes. Well, not sometimes, pretty often actually. Okay daily, maybe hourly. Because it stands between us and happiness. It stands between us and peace of mind. It stands between us and God.
So today, I invite you to take a rest from your inner critic and honor the hard healing work you have done! Seriously, give yourself the gift of acknowledging how far you have come in healing from trauma. We hardly ever do this, do we? We work so hard, we pray, we heal, we take our baby steps, sometimes we have a huge breakthrough, and we just… keep going. Pause and look back at what you have done to get to this place in your healing.
Just as no one can walk this path for you, no one can acknowledge the work you’ve done either. Only you know the breathing, the reading, the therapy, the nights of constant praying, of turning it over to God again and again and again. Only you know – and God. I think the Divine is always looking for opportunities for us to heal more and to acknowledge us when we do. I can look back on my life and so clearly see times when the opportunities to heal would lessen so I could catch my breath and just live. Similarly, I clearly see the times when the opportunities intensified because I had to heal something deeper to move forward. God knows our needs, and I feel God celebrates our progress, not only for our own healing, but the healing of the world.
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ~ Maya Angelou
It takes really hard work to become a butterfly, and what do we do when we see one? We often stop, reverently, to admire it. It’s one of the few absolute transformations in nature we have probably seen in person. So we know that dark period in the cocoon can be long, but that so much is happening inside that we can’t see! Miracles are happening. So we stop and witness to it.
Do that for yourself. You are nothing less than a butterfly, and even if you’re still in your cocoon, not ready to come out – witness and have reverence for how far you’ve come. No one will do it for you, and it’s so crucial we do this for ourselves!
“We acknowledge our pain, not to get more depressed or to drown in the suffering, but to see the truth of our experience.” ~ Sharon Salzberg
What is the truth of our experience? Take stock today of your progress. Have you slept through the night? Decreased flashbacks? Have you asked for help in a healthy way? Have you surrounded yourself with supportive friends? Can you close your eyes and meditate? Can you stay alone? Do you feel closer to God? These are all wins and we deserve to pat ourselves on the back.
Our mind, body and spirit is running a marathon of healing. It’s a long race, so we must pace ourselves and recognize our immense progress along the way! There will always be more to do, more to heal, but just for today, acknowledge your own dedication and progress in healing. Rest in God’s arms, and join Him in being proud of you. Can I get an amen?
“Lovng ourselves through the process of owning our own story is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” ~ Brene Brown
