Goldfish and Reaching Out - You're Not Alone -

There seems to be a preponderance of "not being up to snuff" in the world right now. I certainly see it among my children, friends, students, patients. There is so much comparing going on - everything from shape to size, successes to near-misses, pain and suffering to health and happiness, length of stay to should I stay. And we compare ourselves in curlers to someone else walking out of the hairdresser's ready for our glamour shot.

I am sad. I will admit I have been competitive, comparing myself to others, and falling short. And then holding on to these inadequacies as if they were a prize, or a crutch, for being inadequate - for giving up.

Even this morning, as my sweet husband shared a 3rd love note for the week, I told him I didn't measure up. And no matter how many times he has told me I'm beautiful, smart, kind, gentle, I have a hard time believing him. Yet - this morning I also told him I'm beginning to believe in his words, and because I believe him, and I know he would never lie to me, I can hold on to his generosity and begin to assimilate these gifts and integrate them into my life. Because, after all, even at my age, the words of my youth still weigh heavily on my self-esteem (not my parents, mind you, but peers).

So - back to the gold fish. The last day of school at UVU for Fall 2018, was a tough day for me. I had a parent of a student share that her son had reached out for help because his depression and anxiety and desire to be perfect was just too much. And I spent time with a family member of a patient who attempted to end her life, and her sweet family had to finalize that decision. These 2 events, in face of 4 student papers about anxiety, stress, time-management, being overwhelmed, gave me a nudge that something needed to be said to my students about how much they are loved and that they're not alone, and there is a bright future for them, a bright today, even in the midst of unsurity and trauma and identity.

Should I buy M&M's - they are unique but not alone, Popcorn - it takes more than one kernel to make a great bag of popcorn? And then I saw Goldfish crackers - in individual packs.

I took my argument to class that day - asking my students if they had ever felt like they were the only fish in the sea, if they felt they were swimming one direction while others were swimming another, if they felt different from the other fish in their school. And of course, many hands were raised, many heads nodded.

And then I handed out the packs of crackers, and told them they were not alone. And even when they felt alone there were other fish waiting to join them, wanting them in their school, ready to support them and swim together.

Lastly, I wrote my personal cell phone number on the board, telling my students that I was available to them all the time, and that when they felt alone, stressed, depressed, anxious, they could call me.

And there were tears in the class, and there was love in the class, and those students understood and knew I meant what I had said.

Later, I received emails from 2 students thanking me for going out on a limb for them, for caring, and saying they would keep my number.

Hopefully the next time a student sees, or eats, a goldfish cracker they will remember they're not alone.