You are what you are, and You ain't what you ain't -

Several weeks ago, my sweet baby girl (always will be), after spending a few days with her family and her brother's family at their dad's and other mother's second home in warmer southern Utah, said, 

"Why don't you retire and do what Dad and K are doing? You and Pops deserve to rest, quilt, bike, hike." 

And a knife went through my heart. Although, I've worked through this all, talked with daughter, know it wasn't meant to hurt, it has me thinking. 

Scott and I will never be wealthy - as in second homes, pools, early retirement for me. And I have absolutely no worries about this. Yet I felt like I needed to justify, mostly to myself, that the life Scott and I have is the life I/we want. 

I'm full-filled. Serving others gives me immense joy. I'm not really one to wander; I need a purpose, and this career, this one that I've been working toward most of my adult life, is exactly what I want. 

As well, financially - being able to take care of my family, Scott and me, is what I want. I like seeing my retirement grow; I like watching MY paycheck being deposited; I like being able to have insurance and co-pays and HSA's. I like having paid vacations, even though I have to parse them out and factor in any future vacations. 

My life may look limited - I can't drop and run to tend grandkids - oh wait, they're in school; I can't run to lunch with friends - but I can schedule that; I can't be super-spontaneous, yet all my life I've enjoyed having a schedule, which then allows me the comfort of knowing when I am free to go and do and be whatever whenever. 

So I live in a little house, without room for extended family dinners. Well, that thought gives me tons of anxiety anyway! And there are always work-arounds, including summer swim parties, family dinners at their homes, and one-on-one dinners - which is really what I prefer. 

I don't go to quilting workshops, take painting classes, go on girls' trips. Not my thing anyway. Yet if you want a deep conversation, a walking friend, someone to cook meals to freeze, or a shoulder to cry on - I'm yours. 

I will rest, quilt, bike, hike, if and when the need/desire arises. I may be clunky, awkward, introverted, plain Jane, simple. This is my life. I am what I am, and I ain't what I ain't.