Day 11 -
Gratitude -
Starting a morning by working out with Cody is always a treat. She kicks my butt, and I enter exhausted and exit exhausted, but I keep coming back for me. I organized my photos on the computer. Grateful for a free hour to do so. Grateful for fresh and tasty avocados this week. I've eaten them for lunch three times - and they were all yummy.
Journal -
Scott loves movies. He's a visual learner as much as he is a reader. Our first and second dates were to movies: "Cheaper by the Dozen," and "Cold Mountain." I've probably seen more movies with Scott than I had in all my years prior to him. My kids still think it's kinda funny when I tell them we're watching/going to a movie; because it is so not who I was/am. But, for this man, I'll set aside my bias (I'd rather be reading), and sit next to him with a bowl of popcorn. Tonight we saw "Eddie the Eagle." Pretty cute. I remember him from the 1988 Olympics. Scott, however, didn't, but then his life in 1988 was dramatically different than his life now. For once, once, I knew something about athletics that he didn't! Cute movie.
Exercise -
50 minutes with Cody.
Meditate -
Time in the shower this afternoon was my meditation time. I love standing with the hot water raining onto my neck, shoulders, back. Soothing, comforting, cleansing. I typically leave the shower more relaxed than when I enter. Showers are great times to practice mindfulness - to let my worries down the drain and invite fresh thoughts to enter my day.
Random Act -
I gave a panhandler on the corner a dollar. I'm not a fan of doing this, but Scott is, and so we do. He says it's what Jesus would want us to do. I suggested handing them cans of tuna, but Scott said they wouldn't have any way of opening them. I'm not sure about that. I suggested handing out can openers; Scott didn't take too kindly to that.
Day 10
Gratitude -
Very grateful for the opportunity to talk at Jenna's Relief Society evening. I spoke, Jenna sang - perfect voice; I miss having her sound around. Mom came. So good to have the three generations at one table sharing this message (which I'll post tomorrow).
Journal -
I've spent quite a bit of time this week in my heart, really really trying to know what my higher power wants me to say and do - with clients, co-workers, and Jenna's ward. Interesting that when I let go of control, I gain control. If I live in the moment, being as prepared as I can without being stressed, good things happen. I'm learning that when I'm in this state I am better at whatever I'm doing! How can this be? I have no idea, but it's working, and I'm staying in this lane as long as possible (until ego jumps in and wants a ride).
Exercise -
My exercise today was meditation.
Meditate -
Plenty of time to think and reflect and relax when waiting for appointments to arrive. Good time to reflect on what's important. And then this afternoon, for about 15 minutes, I sat on the front porch, in the sun, and closed my eyes and felt the spring heat, heard the birds and kids coming home from school, smelled the end-of-season mustiness, and there is a bite of spring in the air.
Random Act -
I spoke with patients that weren't appointments, spoke with a friend, and sent an email to a colleague.
Friday, March 11, 2016
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Day 8 and 9 - Growing
Day 9 -
Gratitude - Two of my clients canceled their appointments yesterday, which meant I got to leave earlier than usual. Went grocery shopping with Scott. And nails polished and a haircut!
Journal - I got a really good haircut yesterday, which means my hair is short. I have a hard time finding someone who can cut short hair - well. I think when I walk into a salon with short hair, beauticians see me as someone they can experiment on, and they do. And I'm often lopsided, too short, too heavy, and this bothers me. The last beautician I had, 1.5 years, had a baby and isn't working. Before that, the girl moved. In between I've had bad cuts, and they are expensive! Hopefully this cut, this lady, who just had a baby, will stick around for bit!
Exercise - 60 minutes with Cody, and a 10 minute walk.
Meditate - I haven't quite figured out how to do this in my day. I have no alone time.
Random Act - I'm more aware of moment to give compliments. And each day I do a little more. Being aware of this takes me out of myself, which is where I've been the past 3 years. Giving compliments is difficult for this introvert, but I'm doing it.
Day 8 -
Gratitude - I am grateful for the opportunity I have had to acquire a higher education. It took me 13 years to go from no credits to a Masters Degree, and I would do it again, for sure. I am grateful for the opportunity I have to teach at UVU. I began teaching one year before I graduated with my Masters, and I've been teaching ever since (minus the year off for cancer). I am grateful for UVU. I learned how to write, listen, learn, think critically, and how to teach. I owe a lot to UVU.
Journal - I taught the chaplain interns' class at 7:30 this morning. I am comfortable teaching - for an introvert, teaching is the perfect profession. It's all about the subject, not about me. Although, by the time I'm finished with a day of teaching, I am exhausted. I've been performing - I have to know the topic as well as know how to make it interesting, as well as watch how my students are receiving the material. It is a 3-ring circus, with me in all 3 rings. But then classes are over, I'm home, dumping my bags, and looking forward to doing it all over again in 2 days. Until April, and then I really need the summer off!
Exercise - Too early to walk this morning, and too late to walk tonight. Does it count that I walked to the cafeteria, had a decent cooked healthy meal, and then walked back to class?
Meditate - Today I spent my meditation time teaching others how to deep breath and release. I was able to use this myself. So very beneficial.
Random Act - Laughing with colleagues today was my random act. Spontaneous belly laughs, the best kind. At no one's expense.
Gratitude - Two of my clients canceled their appointments yesterday, which meant I got to leave earlier than usual. Went grocery shopping with Scott. And nails polished and a haircut!
Journal - I got a really good haircut yesterday, which means my hair is short. I have a hard time finding someone who can cut short hair - well. I think when I walk into a salon with short hair, beauticians see me as someone they can experiment on, and they do. And I'm often lopsided, too short, too heavy, and this bothers me. The last beautician I had, 1.5 years, had a baby and isn't working. Before that, the girl moved. In between I've had bad cuts, and they are expensive! Hopefully this cut, this lady, who just had a baby, will stick around for bit!
Exercise - 60 minutes with Cody, and a 10 minute walk.
Meditate - I haven't quite figured out how to do this in my day. I have no alone time.
Random Act - I'm more aware of moment to give compliments. And each day I do a little more. Being aware of this takes me out of myself, which is where I've been the past 3 years. Giving compliments is difficult for this introvert, but I'm doing it.
Day 8 -
Gratitude - I am grateful for the opportunity I have had to acquire a higher education. It took me 13 years to go from no credits to a Masters Degree, and I would do it again, for sure. I am grateful for the opportunity I have to teach at UVU. I began teaching one year before I graduated with my Masters, and I've been teaching ever since (minus the year off for cancer). I am grateful for UVU. I learned how to write, listen, learn, think critically, and how to teach. I owe a lot to UVU.
Journal - I taught the chaplain interns' class at 7:30 this morning. I am comfortable teaching - for an introvert, teaching is the perfect profession. It's all about the subject, not about me. Although, by the time I'm finished with a day of teaching, I am exhausted. I've been performing - I have to know the topic as well as know how to make it interesting, as well as watch how my students are receiving the material. It is a 3-ring circus, with me in all 3 rings. But then classes are over, I'm home, dumping my bags, and looking forward to doing it all over again in 2 days. Until April, and then I really need the summer off!
Exercise - Too early to walk this morning, and too late to walk tonight. Does it count that I walked to the cafeteria, had a decent cooked healthy meal, and then walked back to class?
Meditate - Today I spent my meditation time teaching others how to deep breath and release. I was able to use this myself. So very beneficial.
Random Act - Laughing with colleagues today was my random act. Spontaneous belly laughs, the best kind. At no one's expense.
Monday, March 7, 2016
Day 6 and 7 - Mindfulness, Creating, Sharing -
Day 7 -
Gratitude - I love my chaplaining job. I am using the very best of me and my journey every single day. I'm constantly reminded, and I'm very very good with that. So yeah, I'm grateful for my adventures. And I'm grateful that I'm patient, because I need patience.
Journal - I know I'm supposed to be working at the hospital. I'm grateful for the opportunity that I have to be working 20 hours a week. I'm grateful for those who also know this is my mission. And for the most part 20 hours is good, but I'm tired of working a second job, and occasionally a third job to make ends meet. It would be nice to no longer have that worry. And I have faith that more hours and benefits will come, but as I mentioned above, I need to be patient. Yikes - but for how much longer?
Exercise - 45 minutes walking.
Meditate - This is going to sound odd, but today Scott and I had to go to the bank. And as we were waiting for the personal banker to get us info, I kinda zoned out. Scott was on his phone, relaxed, and I waited, totally relaxed. Mindfulness. Living in the moment, happily. In fact, the banker noticed, and wanted to know what our secret was, how long we'd been together, because, "You just look so happy and comfortable there." And I was, and we were.
Random Act - Today I said "thank you," over and over. It felt good to be living in the gratitude. That and I made Stephanie and Kelleen, colleagues at work, felt succulents, because they killed theirs. Fun.
Day 6 -
Gratitude - First of all; big feat - I went to all 3 hours of church today, for which Scott was grateful! That counts. Grateful for bread that I made that turned out yummy (I'm not much of a bread maker, so this is always a nice surprise). Grateful for an afternoon of rest.
Journal - I've been thinking about my folks today. Dad is sick, and Mom is tired. Even though they're my next-door-neighbors, I seldom see them during the week, with work and work and work. I pray for them, Scott peaks in on them, and I know they know they can all when they need us. This afternoon I made dinner, and Scott and I took it over and ate with Mom, while Dad stayed in his easy chair. They're aging, and although the realist in me knows this, I am reminded that Scott and I are likewise aging. But - Dad and Mom have lived good rich lives; they have a cozy home that people gravitate to, they have amazing children, grandchildren, greats - who adore their parents/grands, and who could really ask for more? They are not alone, they are not cold, hungry, destitute, forgotten. What a blessing.
Exercise - Didn't.
Meditate - did today during our worship service.
Random Act - I received a call last night asking if I would play the piano for Primary today - 2 hours of it. And I said "yes," which is now getting as rare as my saying "no," used to be. I enjoyed it; it's nice to be occasionally reminded that those 7+ years of piano lessons paid off.
Gratitude - I love my chaplaining job. I am using the very best of me and my journey every single day. I'm constantly reminded, and I'm very very good with that. So yeah, I'm grateful for my adventures. And I'm grateful that I'm patient, because I need patience.
Journal - I know I'm supposed to be working at the hospital. I'm grateful for the opportunity that I have to be working 20 hours a week. I'm grateful for those who also know this is my mission. And for the most part 20 hours is good, but I'm tired of working a second job, and occasionally a third job to make ends meet. It would be nice to no longer have that worry. And I have faith that more hours and benefits will come, but as I mentioned above, I need to be patient. Yikes - but for how much longer?
Exercise - 45 minutes walking.
Meditate - This is going to sound odd, but today Scott and I had to go to the bank. And as we were waiting for the personal banker to get us info, I kinda zoned out. Scott was on his phone, relaxed, and I waited, totally relaxed. Mindfulness. Living in the moment, happily. In fact, the banker noticed, and wanted to know what our secret was, how long we'd been together, because, "You just look so happy and comfortable there." And I was, and we were.
Random Act - Today I said "thank you," over and over. It felt good to be living in the gratitude. That and I made Stephanie and Kelleen, colleagues at work, felt succulents, because they killed theirs. Fun.
Day 6 -
Gratitude - First of all; big feat - I went to all 3 hours of church today, for which Scott was grateful! That counts. Grateful for bread that I made that turned out yummy (I'm not much of a bread maker, so this is always a nice surprise). Grateful for an afternoon of rest.
Journal - I've been thinking about my folks today. Dad is sick, and Mom is tired. Even though they're my next-door-neighbors, I seldom see them during the week, with work and work and work. I pray for them, Scott peaks in on them, and I know they know they can all when they need us. This afternoon I made dinner, and Scott and I took it over and ate with Mom, while Dad stayed in his easy chair. They're aging, and although the realist in me knows this, I am reminded that Scott and I are likewise aging. But - Dad and Mom have lived good rich lives; they have a cozy home that people gravitate to, they have amazing children, grandchildren, greats - who adore their parents/grands, and who could really ask for more? They are not alone, they are not cold, hungry, destitute, forgotten. What a blessing.
Exercise - Didn't.
Meditate - did today during our worship service.
Random Act - I received a call last night asking if I would play the piano for Primary today - 2 hours of it. And I said "yes," which is now getting as rare as my saying "no," used to be. I enjoyed it; it's nice to be occasionally reminded that those 7+ years of piano lessons paid off.
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Happiness Project 3, 4, 5 -
Day 5:
Gratitude - Sisters and Jenna and Mom. Great day crafting, again. Thai food - the Walker sisters love spices, and Evergreen Thai is a good place for a good meal and conversation. Scott - he took the family room apart yesterday for my Folklore class movie night (My Big Fat Greek Wedding), and put it back together tonight after our 2nd movie night (Gran Torino).
Journal - I'm tired! Weekends should be for not getting dressed (or at least no makeup) and for playing outside, reading inside, and full-on relaxing. I get irritated at Sunday church meetings, especially when my Fridays and Saturdays are swamped. Monday comes too soon, and I'm not ready for the week to begin, again. Tomorrow, come noon-fifteen, clothes will be off, and I may be back in bed.
Exercise - Didn't.
Meditate - as soon as this is written and I'm ready for bed, I'll meditate. I promise.
Random Act - Dropping my rest time for sister time. Not so random? I'm still an introvert, and spending time at a chaotic house with a table full of colors and fibers intimidates me and wears me out. The fact that I was tempted to leave numerous times, and didn't, is my random act of kindness.
Day 4:
Gratitude - My awesome Palliative Care Team. We enjoy being together! What a treat to work with a group of people who like each other! Crafting (not art, just crafts) with Jenna, Maria, and Vicki. We rarely get together, so this was a treat. Scott - he pruned Jenna's trees, came home, set up the basement for movie night, and then cleaned up as well. Aww, he's a gem.
Journal - Politics. We don't look good when we knock others down. I just don't get how politicians can be so evil, self-centered, egotistical, more worried about making their words heard rather than listening. Honestly, that is so foreign to me. Gawd -
Exercise - 45 minutes doing full-body workout with Cody this morning. Whew!
Meditate - I need to remember that in the furry of my life there IS TIME to meditate!
Random Act - as I was walking out of the hospital this morning, I saw a young (college age) volunteer, in the waiting room, on the floor, playing and coloring with a child. I was so pleased with her ability to do that - kindness in action. I walked past her, then turned around, walked over to her and thanked her for what she was doing. Yeah - politicians, take note.
Day 3:
Gratitude - My sister Vicki, who is here from Montana for a few days. I love her dearly. Jenna, my daughter/friend, who just makes me darn happy. My Folklore students - they love to learn and have been so teachable this semester (and who are coming to my house on Friday and Saturday evenings for movie nights).
Journal - Grateful for friends. Grateful for persistence. Grateful for love, hope, faith, surrender, peace. Grateful for lessons learned through other's experiences so I don't have to experience. Grateful for second chances.
Exercise - Walking with Holly today at the mall. Warm, great conversation.
Meditate - I had a few minutes to pause at work today. That's it, but it will have to do.
Random Act - Thank you note to Cami for a job well-done.
Gratitude - Sisters and Jenna and Mom. Great day crafting, again. Thai food - the Walker sisters love spices, and Evergreen Thai is a good place for a good meal and conversation. Scott - he took the family room apart yesterday for my Folklore class movie night (My Big Fat Greek Wedding), and put it back together tonight after our 2nd movie night (Gran Torino).
Journal - I'm tired! Weekends should be for not getting dressed (or at least no makeup) and for playing outside, reading inside, and full-on relaxing. I get irritated at Sunday church meetings, especially when my Fridays and Saturdays are swamped. Monday comes too soon, and I'm not ready for the week to begin, again. Tomorrow, come noon-fifteen, clothes will be off, and I may be back in bed.
Exercise - Didn't.
Meditate - as soon as this is written and I'm ready for bed, I'll meditate. I promise.
Random Act - Dropping my rest time for sister time. Not so random? I'm still an introvert, and spending time at a chaotic house with a table full of colors and fibers intimidates me and wears me out. The fact that I was tempted to leave numerous times, and didn't, is my random act of kindness.
Day 4:
Gratitude - My awesome Palliative Care Team. We enjoy being together! What a treat to work with a group of people who like each other! Crafting (not art, just crafts) with Jenna, Maria, and Vicki. We rarely get together, so this was a treat. Scott - he pruned Jenna's trees, came home, set up the basement for movie night, and then cleaned up as well. Aww, he's a gem.
Journal - Politics. We don't look good when we knock others down. I just don't get how politicians can be so evil, self-centered, egotistical, more worried about making their words heard rather than listening. Honestly, that is so foreign to me. Gawd -
Exercise - 45 minutes doing full-body workout with Cody this morning. Whew!
Meditate - I need to remember that in the furry of my life there IS TIME to meditate!
Random Act - as I was walking out of the hospital this morning, I saw a young (college age) volunteer, in the waiting room, on the floor, playing and coloring with a child. I was so pleased with her ability to do that - kindness in action. I walked past her, then turned around, walked over to her and thanked her for what she was doing. Yeah - politicians, take note.
Day 3:
Gratitude - My sister Vicki, who is here from Montana for a few days. I love her dearly. Jenna, my daughter/friend, who just makes me darn happy. My Folklore students - they love to learn and have been so teachable this semester (and who are coming to my house on Friday and Saturday evenings for movie nights).
Journal - Grateful for friends. Grateful for persistence. Grateful for love, hope, faith, surrender, peace. Grateful for lessons learned through other's experiences so I don't have to experience. Grateful for second chances.
Exercise - Walking with Holly today at the mall. Warm, great conversation.
Meditate - I had a few minutes to pause at work today. That's it, but it will have to do.
Random Act - Thank you note to Cami for a job well-done.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Nicole Harris -
Nicole Harris' body was found yesterday (Wednesday), not too far from home, after having been missing since Oct. 26, 2015.
One of my bestest friends, Cody, was a great friend to Nikki over the past 20+ years. Cody was responsible for assembling a search team within moments of Nikki being reported as missing. Cody was diligent - the kind of friend every woman needs. Cody put her needs aside for 4 months, and relentlessly assembled, hiked, scoured, hunted, reported,coordinated, and beautifully represented Nikki as family and friends went searching and gathering in hopes of finding Nikki safe and sound - somewhere.
Tonight I ache for Cody. She invested so much time hoping and believing that Nikki was safe; she was optimistic and realistic. We talked about updates on Wednesday, 2 days ago. And Cody expressed frustration at the lack of buy-in several folks had in finding Nikki. And then just a few hours later Cody received the call that Nikki's dental records matched those of the body found.
Cody - a "got your back" kind of friend everyone needs. In fact, Cody helped me through and beyond my cancer journey, sticking by my side, regardless.
Nikki - Cody loves you, aches for your hurt, aches for your family. Be safe Nikki, and please comfort Cody - let her know that her efforts were not in vain.
One of my bestest friends, Cody, was a great friend to Nikki over the past 20+ years. Cody was responsible for assembling a search team within moments of Nikki being reported as missing. Cody was diligent - the kind of friend every woman needs. Cody put her needs aside for 4 months, and relentlessly assembled, hiked, scoured, hunted, reported,coordinated, and beautifully represented Nikki as family and friends went searching and gathering in hopes of finding Nikki safe and sound - somewhere.
Cody - a "got your back" kind of friend everyone needs. In fact, Cody helped me through and beyond my cancer journey, sticking by my side, regardless.
Nikki - Cody loves you, aches for your hurt, aches for your family. Be safe Nikki, and please comfort Cody - let her know that her efforts were not in vain.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Day 2 - Happiness Is -
Gratitude - Lunch at India Palace with a friend; Coke at Utah Valley Hospital with a friend; Bulletin Board created and in place at church.
Journal - I am constantly amazed at how my prayers are answered. I'm mostly amazed that I am important enough to have prayers answered. Just when I "need," He delivers. And it all boils down to being willing to turn my will over to my Higher Power (AA 3rd Step +). I've made things so hard for so many years, that in May, when I kinda had a little surrender (aka breakdown) moment, I realized it was time to turn my will over. And as I reflected on this while talking with my Coke friend today, I realized just how free I have been these past 9 months. I'm not carrying - turning my will over means taking off the backpack filled with expectations, putting it down, and continuing on my walk, knowing I still have what I need, and if I don't, it will be provided. Remind me to share my Enoch story some day.
Exercise - 60 minutes with our lovely lovely kick-ass trainer, Cody. Then a 20 minute walk.
Meditate - Drove the car with the radio off, spending that time breathing, enjoying the sun, and staying in the moment.
Random Act of Kindness - since Christmas I have created a monthly bulletin for my church. Simple, not terribly artistic, but it is my platform for expressing Christian ideals that are important to me. (Not an email, but relatively random - few people in the congregation know I'm behind this).
Journal - I am constantly amazed at how my prayers are answered. I'm mostly amazed that I am important enough to have prayers answered. Just when I "need," He delivers. And it all boils down to being willing to turn my will over to my Higher Power (AA 3rd Step +). I've made things so hard for so many years, that in May, when I kinda had a little surrender (aka breakdown) moment, I realized it was time to turn my will over. And as I reflected on this while talking with my Coke friend today, I realized just how free I have been these past 9 months. I'm not carrying - turning my will over means taking off the backpack filled with expectations, putting it down, and continuing on my walk, knowing I still have what I need, and if I don't, it will be provided. Remind me to share my Enoch story some day.
Exercise - 60 minutes with our lovely lovely kick-ass trainer, Cody. Then a 20 minute walk.
Meditate - Drove the car with the radio off, spending that time breathing, enjoying the sun, and staying in the moment.
Random Act of Kindness - since Christmas I have created a monthly bulletin for my church. Simple, not terribly artistic, but it is my platform for expressing Christian ideals that are important to me. (Not an email, but relatively random - few people in the congregation know I'm behind this).
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Day 1 -
I"m not going to write about this challenge every day - but I did begin the Happiness challenge.
Gratitude - patients who trust me; a husband who drives me to and from work and school so I don't have to fight for parking; nice fingernails with polish that lasts for more than a week.
Journal - Today I had 3 clients I counseled. The first appointment was a husband and wife. He has cancer. They have marital issues, and did prior to cancer. How do they develop a relationship where she isn't the caregiver and he isn't the patient, but where the dynamics are so changed that they can't "go back"? That is a dilemma that any married couple with chronic illness faces. What is the new now? Starting over is extraordinarily difficult, and yet, it is so vital to moving forward, having a healthy marriage even when one of the partners isn't optimally healthy. The second appointment was very similar to the earlier one. Although this time it was the man, without his wife, who doesn't "get it," and doesn't "care," and all the negative about her and their marriage, wanting sympathy, wanting attention, but not really looking at himself as a contributor.
Exercise - Walked for 40 minutes today, with Scott. Legs are sore from yesterday's workout.
Meditate - Tough to find time today, running from one job to the next, but I did step into the Wellness Center at UVU and spend 30 minutes in a massage chair. That means I spent 3 minutes breathing!
Random Act of Kindness - had a conversation with a student, outside of class. It was awesome. I also ran into 2 former students, carried on short conversations with both, even though I would have preferred to eat my apple in silence.
8:36pm. Over and Out -
Gratitude - patients who trust me; a husband who drives me to and from work and school so I don't have to fight for parking; nice fingernails with polish that lasts for more than a week.
Journal - Today I had 3 clients I counseled. The first appointment was a husband and wife. He has cancer. They have marital issues, and did prior to cancer. How do they develop a relationship where she isn't the caregiver and he isn't the patient, but where the dynamics are so changed that they can't "go back"? That is a dilemma that any married couple with chronic illness faces. What is the new now? Starting over is extraordinarily difficult, and yet, it is so vital to moving forward, having a healthy marriage even when one of the partners isn't optimally healthy. The second appointment was very similar to the earlier one. Although this time it was the man, without his wife, who doesn't "get it," and doesn't "care," and all the negative about her and their marriage, wanting sympathy, wanting attention, but not really looking at himself as a contributor.
Exercise - Walked for 40 minutes today, with Scott. Legs are sore from yesterday's workout.
Meditate - Tough to find time today, running from one job to the next, but I did step into the Wellness Center at UVU and spend 30 minutes in a massage chair. That means I spent 3 minutes breathing!
Random Act of Kindness - had a conversation with a student, outside of class. It was awesome. I also ran into 2 former students, carried on short conversations with both, even though I would have preferred to eat my apple in silence.
8:36pm. Over and Out -
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