And let’s take a look at adult bullying – college through
career. It’s alive and thriving. My niece is a great athlete, and she had to
change schools because some of her team mates bullied her and some other players.
And – the coach was a bully because he didn’t take their reports seriously,
even asking these amazing players and women to change their behavior, so they
wouldn’t be bullied!
And the workplace – oh goodness. I think everyone has had a
boss or manager who gives threats, treats one employee differently than others,
talks behind backs, schedules the best or worst shifts, talks down to
employees, skip over someone for a promotion. Or worse, those cliques that run
behind the official handbook – whose in, whose out, who to avoid, who to
snuggle up to, etc. What happened to the whole idea of the Golden Rule and
surrounding ourselves with the best people we can?
I’ve had a few incidents as an adult – including a
father-in-law who was mean, a bully for sure, who took out his frustrations and
revelations on me more than once. In fact, I think this bully did quite a bit
to wreck my first marriage. He was an abusive father and spouse, and although
he was never physical when his children became adults, he managed ways to
continue to hurt those he said he loved. I had a co-worker who tried to “wish”
me well during my cancer treatment – but really, it was her way of controlling
me and controlling what I did and didn’t do – “Oh, Ronda’s not feeling well
today, I’ll do that project.” “Ronda’s just not in the right place now to take
on a project like that.” And her weekly GWS cards with messages such as, “You
REALLY need to rest,” gave me anxiety to the point of not wanting to open her
cards!
I wonder what these folks who are adult bullies had to face
as children. I don’t condone their behavior, but I wonder what stressors were
in their lives that cause them to wreak havoc on others?
Have you gone home from work thinking you can’t take one more
day, handle one more conversation, be in the same room with . . . ?
Adult bullies are manipulators, gossips, game players,
abusers, mean people, and typically underqualified for their role and fearing
being found-out – or in other words - cowards!
I don’t have solutions – although I am full of phrases that
have kept me sane – It is not me with the problem. Love the sinner, hate the
sin. Surrender to win (meaning – he may think he’s hurting me, but I’m tossing
spears of fire and hitting his target every time he tries to hurt me).
And those of us who are recipients of adult bullying – do we take it home
or to our own work group? Does that bullying go from the bully to us to
unwitting loved ones, or the dog?
Remember – knocking someone down is not a way to get to the
top. Speaking ill of someone speaks more of the bully than the one being spoken
of.
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