You are what you are, and You ain't what you ain't -

Several weeks ago, my sweet baby girl (always will be), after spending a few days with her family and her brother's family at their dad's and other mother's second home in warmer southern Utah, said, 

"Why don't you retire and do what Dad and K are doing? You and Pops deserve to rest, quilt, bike, hike." 

And a knife went through my heart. Although, I've worked through this all, talked with daughter, know it wasn't meant to hurt, it has me thinking. 

Scott and I will never be wealthy - as in second homes, pools, early retirement for me. And I have absolutely no worries about this. Yet I felt like I needed to justify, mostly to myself, that the life Scott and I have is the life I/we want. 

I'm full-filled. Serving others gives me immense joy. I'm not really one to wander; I need a purpose, and this career, this one that I've been working toward most of my adult life, is exactly what I want. 

As well, financially - being able to take care of my family, Scott and me, is what I want. I like seeing my retirement grow; I like watching MY paycheck being deposited; I like being able to have insurance and co-pays and HSA's. I like having paid vacations, even though I have to parse them out and factor in any future vacations. 

My life may look limited - I can't drop and run to tend grandkids - oh wait, they're in school; I can't run to lunch with friends - but I can schedule that; I can't be super-spontaneous, yet all my life I've enjoyed having a schedule, which then allows me the comfort of knowing when I am free to go and do and be whatever whenever. 

So I live in a little house, without room for extended family dinners. Well, that thought gives me tons of anxiety anyway! And there are always work-arounds, including summer swim parties, family dinners at their homes, and one-on-one dinners - which is really what I prefer. 

I don't go to quilting workshops, take painting classes, go on girls' trips. Not my thing anyway. Yet if you want a deep conversation, a walking friend, someone to cook meals to freeze, or a shoulder to cry on - I'm yours. 

I will rest, quilt, bike, hike, if and when the need/desire arises. I may be clunky, awkward, introverted, plain Jane, simple. This is my life. I am what I am, and I ain't what I ain't. 

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas -

I love these 2020 Christmas cards. And for the first time in several years, I'm not sending anything out. I really don't have anything to say, and I have no sweet photos of this year's travels (well, I do, Hawaii with Jenna and kids was amazing, and difficult, and expensive, and memorable - that was 1 week pre-CoVid, which seems like a lifetime ago) - although Driggs, ID and the Grand Tetons are always stunning, Mt. Rushmore was nice, and Durango, CO, was beautiful, while Zion was too hot and too busy to even attempt. 

However, if I had sent out a card it would say, 

We made it - from head to toe (truly)! And while we met our out-of-pocket deductible way back in July and our HSA is empty, and we're facing a few more procedures in January, our health is good, our marriage is great, and our home is beautiful. We have healthy children and grandchildren; CoVid has affected us all in too many ways to count, yet our bounce-forward buttons still work. 

We've lost loved ones. We've been frustrated with the medical and political world, yet we've chosen to put what we can change as our priority, and what we can't change, well, we're learning to let it go. 

We missed our international trip to Portugal this spring, but we've put a few miles on our cars getting to know the world that's within a day's drive. We're planning next year's trip, and although it is state-side, we're grateful for extra vacation days, extra miles, and the opportunity to see what we've neglected to see, and Scott's doing a great job of gathering family history information to make this trip every bit as adventurous as an international one. 

We've enjoyed CoVid drive-bys to our children's homes - dropping off goodies that have some sort of  laughable CoVid message. We were able to be with a grand-daughter who was married and have an honored role in her ceremony.

We had the pleasure of hosting Ihor, from the Ukraine, stuck here in Utah for work because of CoVid, for several months, and this fall we've had Zach, from So Dakota, here attending BYU (but not wanting to socialize because of the virus); he'll be coming back in January. So even when we can't venture too far from home, the world has come to our doorstep, thank you Airbnb and the friendships we've made because of being hosts (although we're ending our tenure with them, there's always a spare bedroom - well, will be in May). 

We've learned to negotiate lawnmower noise with Webex home-office meetings, and I've gained a deeper appreciation for not only my work-space, but for the caregivers who put their lives on the line every single day. I'm grateful to have been able to be a small support to them, as well as for Scott's support of me. 

My 2020 motto, Be The Change, has hung on our front porch as our public statement, although I've learned that being this change comes from within and then outward to my home, my world. 

We've laughed, we've loved, we've argued, we've yelled, we've painted and played, and restored a 1962 Grand Prix - the life we have far surpasses our dreams - guess this year has been just fine after-all!  

Merry Christmas to all - Ronda & Scott

Diamonds and Stones -

On Monday I had a feeling to check in on a patient I hadn't talked with in a couple of months. I went to her chart to get her phone number. A big red box, marked "deceased" popped up before I could even get to her number. She passed away in September, and I just learned. 

As well, a patient in the hospital, who has been at death's doorstep for a week, was finally allowed, by his family, to pass. 

Tuesday I received a call from a hospital asking for some support for caregivers as they had a traumatic death in their emergency department the previous evening. And they needed to vent. 

Last night at 3:40am, I made the mistake of checking my phone. My sister had sent me a text earlier in the night about a friend dying. The friend was my patient. 

When I woke for real, I had a group text from a client's brother stating that his sister's tumor was cancerous, yet she was healing well from her surgery. 

Just a few minutes ago I received notification that another patient had passed away, yesterday morning. 

And that's just a few of the deaths and imminent deaths I've been a part of this week. 

Some days are diamonds, some are stones. 

What a week, what a damn f'ing week. 

The Need for Chaplains -

 I love my job/career/life-choice as a chaplain. I cannot imagine doing anything else. I love serving my patients, their families, and the caregivers who are dedicated and committed to giving the best care they can to those they likewise serve. 

It's been a busy several months - caregivers were on adrenalin highs for several months, as was the world, with a multitude of initiatives and ways of showing support. And yet as caregivers tire, so does the public, and now we're dragging, exhausted, without evening applauses and caregiver parades, no healthcare provider discounts (and I tell you, they made a differences), and we still go home to families who are likewise burnt-out and dragging. I have cried more than once in the past month - who chaplains the chaplains? 

I spend as much time with caregivers as I do patients and their families. This is a fundamental part of my job. In fact, not only do I serve at my facility, I also am doing my best to support caregivers system-wide, particularly at the site where many of our toughest CoVid cases go. 

Enough said, and yet there are still institutions (people) who think chaplains are not necessary, that in this day when religion is waning, there is no need for religious rituals and conversations. However, when someone is in a health crisis, they are likewise in a spiritual crisis (not religion, although people rely on the beliefs, or non, of their religious and spiritual perspectives). "Oh God" can be a curse or a prayer, and I've seen this over and over again, and a listening ear, a quiet moment, a nod, permission to share, is so very very necessary.

This article, from one of the organizations I have my certification through shares a perspective examining the words stating there is no need, yet likewise validates the need, for healthcare chaplains, now more than ever. 

Count chaplains in, not out! Now more than ever, chaplains are needed on healthcare teams    _____   "Our role is to care for anyone -- patient, family member or professional and clinical colleague -- who is suffering, feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, and alone." -- Eric J. Hall _____ As the leader of a national chaplaincy organization, I am baffled by the opinion that chaplains are becoming irrelevant. This statement during this pandemic when chaplains have become more necessary than ever is simply a cover to remove chaplains from employment.   A discussion I had with an administrator indicated that because people are not going to "church" there is a diminished need for chaplains. It's true that many churches across the country were growing empty even before COVID-19 caused them to close their doors. But the flight from organized religion does not mean people are throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Many faith communities doing online worship and tracking their viewers are seeing significant number of "attendees" who they can tell are not members of their community. Thus, lots of people who have not participated in worship before now are seeking it out. We saw the same phenomenon post 9/11. Large numbers of people turned to faith and religious practice in the time of uncertainty to find connectedness and meaning. So where do these people find that connection and community today? Chaplains fill that role for many.   As chaplains working in emergency, trauma and other healthcare settings across the country can attest in this time of COVID, people in existential crisis long to make sense of what's happening to them and their loved ones whether they have God or a religious tradition to guide them or not.   I want to address the misconception that chaplaincy is only a valid ministry in the context of faith, and that as organized religion declines in importance, chaplains become less relevant to healthcare systems and therefore a resource that can be eliminated from the budget. This is not the time to count chaplains out. Now more than ever, leaders in healthcare should count them in!   If they have learned anything from the experience of our hospital systems overburdened by suffering and death, health care leaders must surely see the value of treatment protocols such as palliative care and hospice when curative care is deemed futile. Dr. Diane Meier, director of the Center to Advance Palliative Care, makes this point when she says, "Our first and foremost job is to identify and relieve sources of suffering. And particularly in the COVID-19 environment, where all available treatments are experimental and variably accessible, our first obligation is to provide psychological, existential, and spiritual support to people who are understandably terrified."   I direct the Healthcare Chaplaincy Network. For us, professional chaplaincy is about "caring for the human spirit." Our chaplains work alongside first responders and EMTs, integrated in hospice and palliative care teams, and collaborating with doctors, nurses and other medical professionals in ICUs across the country. Our role is to care for anyone -- patient, family member or professional and clinical colleague -- who is suffering, feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, and alone. When the human spirit is assailed by too much sickness, too much misery, and too much death, our chaplains are there to offer comfort through presence, listening, and support, sometimes joining in with our prayers and often with our tears. We are trained to wade into the midst of human suffering, to recognize spiritual distress in our fellow human beings, to promote healing even when there is no cure, and to affirm the value of life even in the face of certain death. This is what we mean by "caring for the human spirit." And this is why, now more than ever, chaplains are needed on healthcare teams that are providing curative care, palliative care, or end of life care. Chaplains should be counted in, not out!   For administrators wanting to cut the costs of doing business, I say do not cut your chaplains! Take a lesson from hospice, in which spiritual care for the dying is federally mandated, or from palliative care in which it is a best practice the world over. If you are looking for ways to increase emotional support for your frontline clinical staff or seeking to address burnout among your physicians, hire more chaplains! We are trained to do this work. Many of us have indeed been preparing our entire professional lives to rise to the challenge of such a moment in time as the one we are facing right now.   Count chaplains in, not out. And then count on us to work side by side with the other professionals on your teams, providing care for every needy human spirit we encounter. If you would like help finding professionally trained and certified chaplains to join your teams, email me at EJHall@SpiritualCareAssociation.org and I will put the resources of the HealthCare Chaplaincy Network and the Spiritual Care Association to work for you. The needs are critical and the solution is at hand.   --Eric Hall Reverend Eric J. Hall, DTh, APBCC, is President and Chief Executive Officer of HealthCare Chaplaincy Network, Inc. and the Spiritual Care Association. He is also Chancellor of the SCA University of Theology and Spirituality. Hall also serves as pastor of the Eastchester Presbyterian Church and the Lincoln Academy for early childhood learning. Formerly, he was the founder, President and CEO of the Alzheimer's Foundation of America. He can be reached at EJHall@SpiritualCareAssociation.org.   * See https://www.pewforum.org/2019/10/17/in-u-s-decline-of-christianity-continues-at-rapid-pace   ** See https://acphospitalist.org/weekly/archives/2020/04/08/3.htm

Anxiety and Self-Care -

 

Anxiety - 'Tis the Season!

 

I had simple sinus surgery a year ago, and it didn’t work! So after more than 2 months of dealing with a sinus infection (and trying every feasible remedy), I had full-blown sinus surgery 2.5 weeks ago.

These past few months have been tough knowing I would need to face this reality, and I will admit, being sick, not sleeping, and anticipatory anxiety has gotten the most of me. Not sleeping, over/under-eating, easily irritated and equally irritable, difficulty concentrating, and continually asking “why me” and thinking about how defective I am, and searching “sinus surgery” on Google.

Please tell me that you have done similarly when avoiding the inevitable! And Google is the worst education tool when anxiety is involved!

Well, surgery it was, and while it was really horrible, I’m 2.5 weeks out, and healing! Imagine that! And all those things I worried about – I can’t even remember them, and yet all those behaviors I adopted – now I need to break those habits!

The  below thoughts have helped me step out of my emotional self and rationally think through what I’m anxious about rather than letting the anxiety control me. I hope, particularly this season, these will be of benefit to you.

“We don’t fear the unknow, we fear the thought of the unknown.”

“The worst bullies you will ever encounter in your life are your own thoughts.”

“Is there something I can do now to relieve my concerns for tomorrow?”

“Filling my mind with good thoughts means there is no room for bad thoughts.”

“The doctor knows what he’s doing.”

“What if things work out?”

“Ommmmm.”

“You are bigger than what is making you anxious.”

“Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow, it empties today.”

“I give myself permission to be anxious, and then I give myself permission to move forward.”

“Nothing is permanent, not even our troubles.”

And lastly – “Just breathe.”

More tomorrow -