For most of my life my value has been determined by whom I belong to and what I do.
For instance: Tyler and Jenna's mom; Scott's wife, a daughter of Gods; a chaplain, a professor, a gardener.
I'm a possession and I'm possessed.
And yet - is that how I define myself?
Lots of scuttle going on the past few weeks regarding the mandates given by leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
These mostly surround women and their callings and what they are allowed or not allowed to do in this arena.
Interestingly, I was going through boxes of my memories at the same time as LDS General Conference was being held, and I found an article from 1989, that I'd saved (must have been profound for me at the time) that discussed something that was once again on the docket for conversation - some things never change, some voices never heard.
Of particular interest these past few months has been the issue of the "stand" in the chapel where leaders who are presiding, and those who are speaking, sit. At one point, an LDS region in California invited women leaders to sit on the stand, along with the male leaders (who are typically the only ones sitting on the stand - because they preside). When this info went from region to district, to area, the regional and congregation leaders were asked to remove the women from sitting on the stand. This created quite an unquiet discourse about who has authority, who gives authority, and the benefits of women being seen.
Along with this, an LDS women's organization leader, was quoted (after speaking at an LDS women's conference), and posted this quote on social media - She said, "There is no other religious organization in the world, that I know of, that has so broadly. . . . My dear sisters, you belong to a Church which offers all its women priesthood power and authority from God!"
This definitely hit a sour note with thousands of women, with one stating, "This statement is laughable at best and thousands of women are being vocal about it, as they should be."
I responded, "I'm not sure who chose this quote - I most definitely feel differently and find this rather condescending. I'm just not understanding why I have to be "given power and authority." However, I love the painting and the sisterhood portrayed; I feel this, but not within my religious organization.."
Another, "President Nelson, you plead, 'Sisters, we need your voices,' and yet have you heard our voices? It will not work to simply tell us this anymore. It's disrespectful and belittling. It's misleading and harmful. We need actions, not words."
More than 10,000 comments in similar and harsher strains, with only a handful validating the statement. (https://www.instagram.com/p/C4oZ-otMOVL/?img_index=1)
And with this, along with doctrine regarding LGBTQ families and celestial families and room for everyone, yet requiring BYU students to read a talk given by Jeffrey Holland in 2021 stating that "the doctrine of the family and defending marriage as the union of a man and a woman. . . . We have to be careful that love and empathy do not get interpreted as condoning and advocacy." Many queer students, and straight, see this having significant implications, suggesting they don't belong at BYU and this may be an unsafe environment for them. (This is called the Musket Fire speech.)
I look my child in the face
And tell them with my eyes
I love you
Every part of you.
And if musket fire
Is ever pointed toward you
It will have to go
Through my body
First. (@unpackingmormonism)
There's also been talk about Mormon women and the wearing of garments that do not fit, cause physical problems, are uncomfortable, and are not practical in many cultures.
With all this said, there was a glimmer of hope that some changes would be made and/or announced at General Conference the first weekend in April.
Well - there were 5 session, approximately 7 speakers per session, 2 prayers per session. Out of this, two women prayed, three women spoke, all of the rest were male.
The wearing of garments was discussed twice, once by the woman I mention above, once by Elder Oaks. Neither addressed to men, but to women and the temple covenants made.
As for women on the stand - nothing. And for my LGBTQ friends - always, there's a seat at our table for you, and yet marriage is between a man and a woman and families are forever. I do not know a single parent who would leave their child sitting at a table by themselves; I heard one mother state, "I'll go to hell with you." (See David Archuleta's newest song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAysF5mJjM0)
Lots more temples were announced - I do not get this, and an official statement came out yesterday regarding the wearing of garments. More grinding in on the old law rather than listening and making changes. Statements regarding garments lead to policing by do-gooders, shaming, blaming, and guilting.
"The more an institution tries to control how you wear your underwear the more you should question why they feel the need to control you so much in the first place."
In our home we have a framed saying on our wall: "Seek to understand before being understood." We make this a conscious habit - what am I missing, what am I implying, what more is there to know, what questions can I ask, listen, listen, listen.
I understand culture, I have studied, taught, written about, and experienced differences for my entire adult life (with that being encouraged even as a child).
If a culture does not adapt and adopt, evolve over time, it will die. Squeezing tightly to the old, particularly older patriarchal men and women, when not bringing in youthful fresh voices, and listening to them, will only make the old-guard seem more irrelevant. Giving young adults and newly graduated high schoolers responsibilities without explanations, will ensnare, but will not educate, rather commit and shame and guilt into staying. Holding on, tighter and tighter will kill (rather like Lennie in Grapes of Wrath, choking his pet mouse because he loved him so much).
Give us some air, give us room to grow, room to explore, room to express our thoughts, room to be heard, validated, and implemented, room to receive personal revelation - like the Church has taught for years, trust us to make wise choices, let us practice integrity rather than sneakiness.
My peace did not come peacefully.
I had to excuse chaos from the table
Before I could sit with peace. (Unknown)
Otherwise, death is imminent.
Just watched the Apple TV Series Ted Lasso for a second time. It's amazing all the goodies that can be found in this series.
Below is one of my most favorite scenes with one of the many lessons Lasso teaches.
Be curious my friends, be curious.
