On of my all-time favorite TED talks is this one from Shawn Achor. I've shared it before on this blog, I always showed it in my UVU classes, and I've shared it with colleagues, friends, family.
I'm learning that looking at life from a more positive perspective is healthy for not only ourselves, but for those around us - whether that be colleagues, clients, family, friends.
And this is what I mean -
Why oh why o-hio do we need to be judges when we can be curious? Why do we feel a need to carry loads or burdens when they can easily be dropped, enabling us to move forward? Why do we feel a need to "share" our negatives, when we seldom share our positives?
Case in point - A guy cuts us off and makes us miss the yellow light, so we have to stop and wait 3 minutes for our turn in the rotation of lights. "Idiot, look, new license plate, new driver, out of state, idiot." Later that day, sharing with a friend, "And this morning, on my way to the store, this idiot cut me off at the stoplight, didn't even look."
And - three days prior, "I didn't see the car behind me, sorry! Hey, don't flip me off, it was an honest mistake." And later that day, "Some guy flipped me off when I didn't see him in my rear-view mirror when I was changing lanes. Idiot."
How about, "Whew, that was close. Glad that I was able to stop before running that red light." Later that day, "Great day today, yours?" And - "Man, I need to be better at checking this mirror before I change lanes. That could have been a disaster." Later that day, "I nearly had an accident earlier today, grateful the guy behind me had good brakes."
Doesn't change the story, doesn't sugar-coat it, but it does change the outcomes and how we carry the story - what we are telling ourselves now is just as much truth as the other way, and we're no longer carrying anyone's shit except our own.
Work has been beyond tough these past three years, and there have been many times when all I've been able to see is the darkness around me. And sadly, I've carried that darkness and pulled others in to that with me. And then a bunch of us are seeing negative, and there is no space for light.
How much more/less work is it to feel the pain, the anger, the despair, the anxiety, and then change the dialogue? Rather than being pissy on Sunday because Monday is work, and it's going to be a tough day with tons of new needy patients, how about - feel the pissy, the anxiety, acknowledge it, and then be grateful for a job that pays well, that I enjoy, with a couple of colleagues that I don't enjoy, yet many more that I do, and then freakin' quit my whining and go about my day, so I don't lose all of Sunday to stinkin' thinkin'? And - both thoughts are real and valid, yet in the last scenario, I'm the winner rather than a victim, all because I changed the dialogue just a tiny tiny bit?
Seriously, there are days when the snow is just too much, and if I hear someone say, one more time, "Yet we will have water this summer," I will puke, and I'm so tired of the darkness and cold. And yet - I do live in Utah, and it is still winter, and although this is sometimes just a conversation opener (What do you think about the weather), I can change my perspective, or at least my dialogue! "Holy cow, snow again today?" Said with a smile or happy voice rather than a frown and a complaint.
We all bring our life stories to the table, past becomes present - and yet I don't need to make my past and present my future too. I can choose to own my story, and only my story, choose to let the "other" own their story, and walk away - literally or figuratively, and make the choice to change at least my side of the dialogue.
"My colleague is on my case all the time, and I have to share an office with her, and shit, I can't do this much longer." Automatically puts me in victim mode. Instead, "My colleague and I do not see eye to eye. I really do not enjoy being in the same office as her." How can YOU change this story to come out true to yourself and not burdening anyone else?
Think about it - there's more than one way to be happy - and it doesn't have to be playing the victim, the negative one, the manure spreader. Own your story as the storyteller, and please, keep your shit to yourself - or better yet, let it go; life is too good to carry it around with you!
