Christmas Day 2024 was perhaps the best Christmas I have had in years. No rush to go anywhere, see anyone, "take it all in for tomorrow we go back to work" mentality, just time to relish the day - the simple gifts, simple food, good music, great company.
And then 12/26 came, and I was blasted tired, all day, and alone (while Scott was doing his daily routine). I slept, read, put things away, and thought, "What next?" My thoughts ran this way - "Well, I've done everything I've ever wanted to do, seen what I've wanted to see, watched our children grow into incredible adults with their own children, had amazing careers, two good marriages, and now, well, I'm good." As I went to sleep that night, I was a little down, wondering what the rest of my life is supposed to be, what do I want for 2025 and beyond?
And then I reminded myself that I was very tired, and that I needed to sleep before pulling myself into a "woah is me" spiral.
While the thought was still with me 12/27-31, I was more awake, which also means I realized just how tired I really am.
In fact, fatigue is probably a better word, having not quite felt this much emotional fatigue since September, 2003, while going through my divorce. So damn tired that sleeping for a month or two would probably be a great idea. Not depressed, just exhausted from so much life.
Which then got me thinking about New Year's Resolutions, Mantras, Goals, Words to Live By; I've had my share, and every single year I come up with something that will motivate me throughout the year.
You can find one every January for the past twelve years on this blog. Whew!
As I've reviewed them, the thoughts that get me again and again are desire/resolve to Be Still, Let It Be, and Take A Breath.
So here I am, really ready to do absolutely nothing - 2025 - breathe, chill, let it go, and this new thought:
"Maybe the happy ending is that you fall in love with your life - eat your favorite foods, admire sunrises and sunsets, pick up the book you want to read (and read it), dance to your favorite tunes, bring your mind back to the blessings you have."
I keep thinking back on my journeys and awakenings and reflections and meditations and pauses these past two and a half years - and these messages - No More, Be, You Have It All, All is Well, Beckon, Soak, Stillness, Be Nice to the Animals, Water, all have them same theme - stop and be present. My snorkeling experience in November pulled all of these together as I spent time with my head in the water, my eyes wide open, and floated, along the animals, with nothing else to do but be present.
So with the help of a little magic, a little therapy, some time in the water, time away from my new day-to-day world and the remnants of the past, some time on my deck, walking with friends and animals, time alone, time together, and a woman in front of my at a line at the Wiamea Farmer's Market, my fatigue, sorrow, reflection, desires showed up in these three words:
Grace, Love, Awe.
Shorthand for the women I love, Blue for the blue-eyed people I love, Flowing like the water I love. Happy New Year - may you find something, someone, some words to guide you.
