Friday, August 8, 2014

NieNie -

I've been reading Stephanie Nielson's blog since her plane accident. Stephanie's accident happened shortly after Cliff's accident. They were both in the Burn Center at University of Utah, although Cliff left just before Stephanie was transferred from Arizona to Utah. Jenna and I attended a Burn Unit support group, and it was there we met Stephanie's mother, Cindy. I will always be touched by Jenna's comment to Cindy - "What would you like me to pray for? Because I know God hears and answers my prayers." What a simple message with simple and strong faith - from both women.

Well, Stephanie's story is amazing - she has been to hell and back, and is living a very rich life, a very public life; she is a brave woman.

I'm still struggling some with comparing the life I have now to the one I had 2 years ago. My biggest issue is that I feel like I have 2 years of make-up work to do. And so some days I get this frantic feeling in my chest - heart butterflies, and I guilt myself into thinking I need to do a little more, push a littler harder, love a little stronger. Be more, do more, my typical life-time battle.

I've been praying lately for a reaffirmation of the message I received last July - "The life you were leading before cancer no longer suits you." And as beautiful as this is, I struggle with the remembering, hence the prayers. Well - this morning I received that reaffirmation, a simple message from Stephanie's blog, that although my angst is so very very different than her life-changes, still is great confirmation:

A nurse explained to Stephanie's sister-in-law Lisa, who was visiting that day, that everything would be different now and that things would never be the same for Stephanie.  Ever.  If they, as her family and friends were constantly comparing her to the way she used to be, then they and Stephanie would never be satisfied.  It would never be enough.  If, however, they learned to compare her to how far she had come, each step of the way, and see the miracle that her body is surviving and changing, then watch success would be a leap forward, not an inch, from a devastating moment.

Thanks Stephanie; this reminder to stop looking back and begin looking forward is what I need, again, and again, and again - I needed your kindness today.

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