Saturday, November 22, 2014

life begins at the end of your comfort zone

I've been uncomfortable in this post-cancer comfort zone for the past 15 months. A year ago July, right after getting my left arm in a lovely pink wrist to shoulder cast, The still small voice told me, "The life you have been leading no longer suits you." So I've been trying to stay as far away from that life as possible. However, that's where my interests lie, that's where I'm comfortable, and that is where I've been for the past 8 years - teach, write, chaplain, volunteer, church, parent . . . And yet these places are no longer providing me with what I need - a challenge, stability, excitement, comfort. And though these words are oxymoron's, they are what I've been quietly searching for, waiting for - for my life to begin - to be uncomfortable in the search for a different kind of comfort.

I have found portions of this - in a few places, but consolidating these pieces under one umbrella has been tough. One thing I'm trying not to do is lead a disjointed life - where I'm wearing too many hats, doing too many things, while still being able to be independent, work from home, write, teach, care for others. A tall order, particularly because I can no longer multi-task, have a scattered "focus," or carry too many identities - anxiety and disjointedness take over, and I fall and fail at all.

So while I'm waiting, and wondering, and scrambling, and searching, and being, I've put the word out, sent a prayer to the heavens, stayed tuned in to the pulse of my interests and stayed published, presented, certified, active in the various professional communities where my interests lie.

I've also wondered what to do with this blog. I'm ready to move past cancer, but I'm don't want to put this blog and my writing away - I like creating, I like writing, I like this electronic journal!

And pleas were answered this month - November, the month of gratitude, has been the month for me to make some changes, to move forward - in goodness and in gratitude.

More to come - but I'm in my lane, and as anxious as I am for this new opportunity, I need the challenge and the comfort I'm finding here - at the end of my comfort zone -

Macks Inn, Island Park, Oct. 2014

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