Scott and I got hooked on the TV series (well, Netflix), "Blue Bloods" during the Christmas holidays. I like the show - I like Tom Selleck (Frank, the NYPD commissioner) in this show; in fact the entire cast is pretty darn good (check out Dino [NY Police Chief], John Ventimiglia). Last night we were watching Season 4, Episode 12 - it's where Danny's (Frank's son) best childhood friend moves back to New York, they reconnect, and decide they'll stay in touch. However, Danny (NYPD Detective) finds out this friend works for a big mob in Florida and is in NY setting up the mob family there. So Danny is assigned to set this friend up, to flush out the mob family before they get their base in NY. Danny does, and his friend is pissed at Danny, and the mob family hires some guys to kill this friend, and Danny saves him.
OK, typical NYPD show scene. But there is where I had this little "ahaa" moment:
Danny's friend says, "So I guess I'm going to have to testify, or lose my life."
Danny says, "Yup. Looks that way. But after the trial, we will set you and your family up in our witness protection program."
Friend, "Oh great, my children won't be able to carry on my name, we'll start all over again, and they will not have the family we have here. My wife won't even be able to care for her dying mother."
Danny, "That's right, you'll have to start all over again, but at least you will now be alive to do that."
Friend, "Looks like I don't have much of a choice."
I paused the show. This is the first time I've heard my thoughts on cancer spoken so clearly and profoundly.
Doctors, "You have cancer."
Me, "Ok. What does that mean?"
Doctors, "You can have traditional cancer treatments and live, or you can come back to us after you've tried the other treatments, and we'll hope for the best."
Me, "Oh great, my life as I know it will end. Everything will change, and I don't even know what that means. I have to take that risk?"
Doctors, "You're life will change, you'll have to start all over again, but at least you will be alive to do that."
Me, "Looks like I don't have much of a choice."
I didn't get the witness protection plan; I am healing with my family surrounding me, but in many ways, I have so substantially changed that I wonder if perhaps the witness protection plan would have been an easier way to make that change.
Food for thought this Sabbath morning - change, change, change - I need to stop looking for "normal."