Friday, June 25, 2021

Swooning - Brandon and Bruce -

 Do you have a "Swoon"? Someone who is likely unreachable,  you love from afar, makes your heart flutter, your knees weak? That's my question these past few days, and the answers have been fun - 

Julia Roberts

That one guy, you know, I don't remember his name, but he . . . 

Hugh Jackman                    Anne Hathaway

Thor                                    Angelina Jolie

Gal Gadot                           Pierce Brosnan

Charlotte Johanson            Savion Glover

Brad Pitt in his 20s            Liam Neeson

Idris Elba                          Channing Tatum

Emily Blunt                       Matt Bomer

Naomi Watt                       Carl Malone

Ewan McGregor               Harrison Ford

Emma Thompson              Hugh Grant

Hugh Grant                       Theo James


Mine are two beautiful men from two parts of the world, two generations apart, who came together this past month to make a heart-racing music video




Friday, June 18, 2021

Sex and Waffles and Pancakes -

Sex, for a woman at any age, can be very difficult - I'm talking turning off the world and turning on. And that is often not easy - RESPONSIBILITY is the big demon for most women. It's not lack of drive, lack of appeal, lack of desire, but too much responsibility, and no way to turn that off. 

One of my favorite therapists shared a story the other day - 

We seem to have more difficulty (in general) than men do when trying to focus on just. one. thing. 

That is why I believe women are like pancakes and men are like waffles.  When you pour syrup on your pancakes, it flows all over the top, down the sides and onto your plate (and sometimes onto the table).  However, when you pour syrup on a waffle, with a just a small bit of effort you can control which square gets the sticky stuff and which does not.  You can fill them all in, make patterns, go every other one. Whatever you like.
 
The syrup represents every aspect of your life.  Work, relationships, kids, chores, responsibilities…the stuff that fills your brain.  Men (in general) have an easier time compartmentalizing the aspects of their life. They are the waffles.  When they are working, they think about work. When they are golfing, they think about golf. And when they are having sex, they think about sex.  This is a great skill to have for many aspects of life and can aid in better focus at work or in complicated projects.
 
Women (in general) are more like pancakes.  Each aspect of our life is interrelated in our mind.  We can think about workchildrenrelationshipschoresmoneyandfood…all at once.  Or at the very least all in one 60 second period of time. The syrup goes everywhere, and it is difficult to control, even with a significant effort.
 
Now, this is not always a negative trait.  It takes a ton of brain space to think about all the little things that must be remembered throughout the day, especially with kids. So, the “juggle” works well for us at times. The difficult part is learning how to turn off the flow of all that sticky syrup.
 
For all of us pancakers out there, a simple place to start is by practicing mindful focus.  Some people try mediation for a couple minutes a day as way to train the brain to turn it all off.  Whatever you do, rehearse applying yourself to one thing at a time, especially at those moments when you really need to…like when he is doing that thing and you are supposed to be focused on the pleasure of the moment.

Makes great sense - now how to practice being a pancake? For starters, I'm off for a weekend with my love, gonna see what we can do about makin' breakfast.


Monday, June 7, 2021

I Believe -

 Talking about core beliefs with friends and clients lately. Mine are, and have been since I was a teen (at least that's when I recognized them): 


Be fair

Be true

Do no harm


Three phrases that resonate with these are: 

That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but our ability to do has increased. (Emerson)

If good is white and black is bad, then all my friends are grey or plaid. (Grandma Jensen)

Sometimes we're so busy existing that we forget to live. (13th Ward RS)


Yours? 


Sunday, May 30, 2021

Meals Services Rated and Reviewed - Hello Fresh, Sunbasket, EveryPlate, etc. -

 Mid-February I decided I was in a meal slump. My sister had tried the meal service, Hello Fresh, and she sent me a discount code to try this out. I remembered seeing discounts on Groupon, so I purchased a few other meal services coupons, deciding that this may be my way out of my lack of desire to come up with dinner ideas. 

So I began Hello Fresh mid February. It was delightful. What a great break! There is a huge selection of meals - meat, chicken, veggie. They were good, and decent priced. All meals were packed separately, with menu cards included. They used lots of sour cream and cream cheese, which didn't make them super low-cal. However, the 2 person option ended up being enough for leftovers for Scott the next day. The downfall, really, is I keep getting emails for "deals" from them, but only for a new subscriber. I know I can unsubscribe, I keep hoping though . . . 

The following week, I used Sunbasket. This began the week Scott fell out of a tree, pruning my daughter's orchard, ruining his right shoulder, having surgery, and just now, 12 weeks later, getting strength and motion back. Sunbasket was a god-send! Super expensive, good-sized servings, great containers, good recipe details, and each meal packed separately. These were easy to fix, the chicken was tender, and veggies were fresh. I would choose them over all I tried, if the price was right. 

Next came Every Plate. They are owned by Hello Fresh. Good sized meals, excellent price, although options are limited. The drawback was that all meals were packaged together in one box. I had to separate. No biggie, just a little more time. And I'll probably use them again. However, I do hate getting "come back" emails, with no real enticing deal. 

Home Chef was similar. Sadly, I had a few things either missing or replaced with a different item. I was getting tired of broccoli! When I ordered a meal with green beans, and broccoli arrived in its place, I frowned. Customer service was great (I didn't call to complain, just to change weeks, and they were very good). 

Blue Apron came next. Beautifully marketed, great packaging, yet again, nothing spectacular. Cancelling my one-week run with them was not easy, online, but their customer rep was great. 

Next I tried Gobble. They were expensive, and I wasn't terribly impressed. The options were limited. The meals were divided, but I still had to unload and semi-separate. And the meals came a day later than ordered. 

Next was Green Chef. Expensive as well. And, by now, after several weeks doing this, tasted about the same as Gobble. All meals were packed in one box, that I unloaded and separated. 

I tried Dinnerly last. I purchased 3 weeks of their meals for a discounted price. I canceled the first week because we went out of town, yet I received an email saying it was arriving. I called customer service, they apologized, told me I could keep the meal. Since I was out of town, I gave it to my niece, next door, who had just had a baby. I then received 3 weeks of Dinnerly, with my last 2 meals being this week. By now, I'm begging for summer foods, and although their broccoli and carrots were fresh, I'm not eating broccoli any time soon, and I'm tired of the 3 ways to cook chicken (that all plans use). Their meals come packed together, yet veggies are in their separate meal containers. I had to print or reference the recipes online rather than being included in the box, like all other services. 

So - 

Sunbasket was my favorite, although 2nd most expensive next to Blue Apron. All, without discount codes, are pricey. When we go out to eat semi-fast food, we plan on spending less than $25, for two, including drinks. Each of these plans, for two, ended up being about $18 per meal. That's not enticing enough for me to continue any of them. 

We did end up eating out a lot less than we would have, just because there was food I had to cook! 

We ate less, just because the meals were limited in size, yet I did miss left-overs for the next evening's meal. 

I spent less on groceries. Usually I spend about $65 dollars a week, and now buying only a few veggies, some staples, and fruit for breakfasts, spent about $65 for two weeks. Not going to the grocery store was a huge benefit.

I didn't have to think about what to cook for meals, and I didn't have to do a lot of prep. This was a valuable time-saver. 

The best meal plan, for me, quality, time, money, was Every Plate. I'll probably purchase the plan, at $5 per plate, again. 

Mostly though, this was an amazing experience, just because of Scott's inability to help me with anything besides sautéing. For the first two months he couldn't drive, which meant grocery shopping was up to me, and yet, without having to meal plan, it was so simple. Scott is also my chopper, helping me prep on Sundays, for the entire week. Again, no prep with these meal plans. 

My biggest piece of advice - purchase these plans on Groupon - I didn't pay more than $30 dollars a week for these meals, or reach out to me, and I'll give you a referral, which could mean a week's worth of meals free. Hurray! 


Monday, May 24, 2021

Pandemic Trauma -

 This article is fantastic and worth the 15 minutes it takes to read it. 


What Happens When Americans Can Finally Exhale

Sunday, May 16, 2021

Time Will Tell - Whose Truth -

 I have trust issues. Many years ago someone told me, "Just slide down the hill, and I'll be at the bottom to catch you." And I did, and he didn't, and I hurt - was broken, and well, that reinforced years of doubting myself, doubting others, and realizing that I couldn't trust him, and in turn, couldn't trust myself. 

Mind you, that wasn't the first time, nor was it the last. Throughout my life there have been times when I've chosen to trust and trusting has had spectacular outcomes - including the time I chose to trust nearly 18 years ago. And other times, not so much. 

The past few months have been tumultuous times. 2020 was really a lovely year for me, yet with 2021, I've seen angst like no other. And it really comes down to trusting myself to trust others. 

How do I do that? Do I open my door just a crack, do I swing the door wide open, it's really about how vulnerable I want to be - at the time, and weighing and measuring the costs/benefits. There have been a couple of times lately when I've been blindsided, so even having a choice as to how far to open the door hasn't been there. 

I try to be rational, attempt to "assume good intent," but at what cost? How much do I hold inside, keep to myself, and tally the losses, or - choose to not trust - can I be vulnerable and still withhold? 

The past week I decided to trust - to be vulnerable. And Brene Brown has done such a good job about sharing the benefits of vulnerability, but what I want to know is this - how do I begin? How do I "give of myself" while also protecting myself? How do I allow others in, when I don't even know how to allow myself in? 

I do know time heals, and I do know there's not a lot of benefit to bringing up the past, yet even saying this is remembering, and remembering creates just enough fear to choose to stay inside, with the door closed. 

Brown says, "Vulnerability takes courage." I say - being courageous takes energy that only trusting can bring. It's cyclical, and being brave enough to show up, to be myself, regardless of the cost, is tough - takes work and takes energy. 

Time will tell - 


From my friend - JGEngland







Tuesday, April 20, 2021

Oh Well -

 I've been thinking a lot about the phrase, "It is what it is" lately. "Oh well," has likewise been on my mind. And today, Kelly Corrigan wrote about this. 

My list: 

You may wake up tired in the morning - oh well. 

Plans changing at the last moment - it is what it is. 

2 Diet Pepsi's rather than one - oh well. 

Wrinkles will appear, body parts may begin to droop - it is what it is. 

Phone calls not answered, texts not replied - oh well. 

People may be late - it is what it is. 

Loved ones may not remember - oh well. 

You may get outvoted - it is what it is. 

Amazon may be running late - oh well. 

Table manners may never change (especially eating so fast) - it is what it is. 

You may not be heard - oh well. 

Two speeds - it is what it is. 

Clumsiness is the new norm - oh well. 

Rejection may happen - it is what it is.

Lunch plans changed - oh well. 

Robocalls happen - it is what it is. 

Morning walk missed - oh well. 

Forgetfulness occurs - it is what it is. 

Worries come - oh well. 

Storms may come - it is what it is. 

9pm bedtime - oh well. 


Coming to this acceptance has been freeing - come what may.