On My Mind -

 

Loving Kindness Meditation and Prayer -

Whether we're sending words to a Higher Power or sending words to ourselves, I believe that prayers/affirmations work. 

The Loving Kindness Meditation has been a "prayer" I've said over and over these past several years: 

May I be healthy                    May you be healthy

May I be happy                      May you be happy

May I be safe                         May you be safe

May I live with ease              May you live with ease

When my mom's health declined I began with the entire affirmation as my prayer and goal for her. As she continued to fail, healthy left, then happy left, living with ease left, and yet she was always safe. 

It's beautiful to pray that request to myself first and then out to others. I've changed the wording upon occasion - May I be calm, May I be kind, May I be gentle, May I find joy in the every day. 

I use this affirmation with my clients on a daily basis, teaching them the basic words and the simple beauty of the request. 

A prayer that I love is the Serenity Prayer. Although there are several verses to this prayer, the most-said portion is beautiful, particularly when prayed sincerely: 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

The courage to change the things I can, 

And the wisdom to know the difference. 

I particularly like the comma after "God." Powerful - God - break - breathe -  wait - grant me . . . 

I've been reading a book on prayers, Prayer in the Night: For Those Who Work or Watch or Weep. She writes about the need for personalized and memorized prayers in our lives. My faith background has few of these, prayers are to be simple, come from the heart, and personal (although often they are redundant and a repeat of yesterday's prayer). Yet there have been plenty of times when a hymn or an Our Father come to mind when I am without energy to create my own. 

I see this prayer as a delicate blend of the Loving Kindness Meditation as well as the Serenity Prayer; and a blessing, one for myself as well as you. I think I'll make it my personal prayer for the weekend. 

May God keep watch with you through 

Every dark night and teach you, 

day by day, 

that it is all for love's sake. 

What about you? Memorized prayers? Do you offer blessings to others, yourself? Personal prayers? Rote/redundant prayers? Pleas? Affirmations? Meditations? 

Monday's Wind -

Monday late afternoon, I sat on the couch on our deck and watched a storm come in from the west. It brushed through the pines and juniper next door, and I could see the juniper breathing in and out as the wind brushed it, breath in, breath out, in and out. The greens changed as the tree swayed, it was gorgeous. 

As the trees in my backyard began to sway, and the flowers and grass began to move with the gusts, I thought about the storms I've sat through, or walked indoors to be protected from. There have certainly been a few, and I covered myself, let them pass over me, walked away from, yet seldom confronted. 

The wind was getting pretty strong - the wind chimes were playing as fast as they could, and the Alaskan Puffin's wings were flapping as if it was trying to get out of the storm.

I don't like the wind. 

I walked into the house, thinking the storm was getting too tough for me to be out in (and allergies - don't need anything to make them worse). Ten minutes later I decided I really wanted to be with the storm, ride with it, rather than fight it or retreat. 

I curled up on the couch, rain came down (just enough to calm the dust), and I watched the clouds move from west, to over my head, and then creep toward the east. 

The deck became my boat, the grass the ocean, and although I was safe from the wind and the rain, my stomach seized, as the storm raged around me, and my mantra became "go slow, stay calm." "Feel the storm."

About 90 minutes later the storm began to dissipate. I turned to the east and watched the evening sun touch the tips of the east mountain ridges, beacons of light. 

I sat up, walked through the backyard picking up a few branches, righting a few flowers that had blown over. 

And then I returned to the deck, the couch, and sat pondering this storm, that I had experienced, visually and physically. Three hours of sitting with the storm, staying in the storm, watching it happen and allowing it to happen to me.

I made it through the storm, made it - just as I have made it through all of the storms in my life, I certainly have been affected, but this one was different - I didn't walk inside, walk away, gripe, curse, pray, complain, ask someone to be with me, share the storm with anyone, or pull my coat tighter around me. I was in this storm by myself, and protected - by the deck, by the fenced in yard, by a higher power, by my own will to go through the storm. 

Stay Calm, Go Slow. Keep Breathing. The storm will pass. The storm has passed. Light is what's left. 

And then the storm was over, the sun was glowing, the mountains shining, and I knew, I knew, I knew, that I had made it through this storm, by going with the storm, and that my storms are "over." 

Interestingly, the Julian of Norwich saying has been on my mind these last several days, and on Monday, Tuesday, and this morning, I keep returning to as a type for the storm, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." 

Rabbit Rabbit -

 Happy July! 

For over a decade, my mother would write a monthly Rabbit Rabbit letter which she would send to family and friends the first day of the month. Gratefully I have saved many of these, and below are two. 

Rabbit, rabbit - happy July 1, 2014, we are into summer full swing.  Sure is beautiful here!

Happy birthday this month to Marissa - 1, Sheri - 3, Dakota - 6, Keegan - 8, Olivia - 10, Mark - 18, Avra - 19, Scott Walker and Aunt Joyce Marriott - 22, Kimberly Brook - 23 and Elder James R. Gibb - 27!  And to any I may have missed, seems like the months keep getting more birthdays! 

We had a great drive to Idaho and on to Billings, MT mid-month spending several days with family in both places.  What a perfect time of year to travel, summer put on a great show for us.  Loved being in less traffic & having time to look about a bit.  We drove to Dillon, MT and cut across through Twin Bridges, hooking back on to 90 by Three Forks and on to Billings, traveling through gorgeous scenery.  Many fishing spots thru the Twin Bridges area, quiet, green, lots of history here - well traveled by the Indians and early settlers - many buried there because of conflicts.  Many signs posted telling of the early, early animals that inhabited the area - a history book in just a small area.  There was still some snow on the tops of higher mountains, lush green trees and waving green fields.  Oh my! 

Loved our time in Billings - helped the Birkeland family move into a larger home with a great view of the "Rim".  Billings is so much bigger than I expected, seeing some business from the oil industry east in North Dakota.  The old town remains lovely - old homes, one way streets and the new businesses and homes somewhat circle around this.  If you visit for the first time, be sure you have a GPS or cell phone because it is tricky!! 

It was great being with family, busy, happy people!  Loved our visit with Clyde's family in Idaho - stayed over to see the annual Rigby parade, you get your year's supply of candy from the participants!!  One man rode a camel and trailed two smaller camels - couldn't figure this entry out, I think he had a veterinary clinic in the area - keep that in mind if your camels need help!

Saw an interesting sign posted on a church in Billings - "Don't go thru life standing at a complaint counter."  Makes sense.

As for a recipe this month - just a little addition to one of the recipes I've given you previously - we had a delicious cookie that I'm sure is the real thing.  Cowboy chocolate chip cookies - made with oats, chocolate chips, brown sugar, etc., but had coconut and pecans added.  Pecans are a little softer than walnuts, good.  Try this, I think you will like them for a change.

Have a happy Fourth of July!  Other holidays to observe are National anti-boredom month, National hot dog month and National ice cream month.  Do your best to observe those important events!  We live in a beautiful country.

Stay healthy, enjoy your families, try Tillamook Oregon hazelnut and salted caramel ice cream, how about sauerkraut on your hot dogs?  Have a picnic or two and enjoy your family reunions!

Love and sparklers, Alice JW

July 1, 2007

Rabbit, rabbit – Happy Fourth of July!  And a happy birthday this month to Sheri – 3rd, Dakota – 6, Olivia – 10, Mark – 18, Avra – 19, Scott – 22, Kimberly – 23 and James – 27.  I remember when we went to Redfish Lake one year on Sheri’s birthday and made her a birthday cake on the campstove.  She thought we were always camping somewhere on her birthday!  Clyde was working the night I went into labor with Sheri so Mother came with me to the Rigby Maternity Home and stayed until she was born.  It was Mom & Dad’s 25th wedding anniversary and I felt pretty special that they would do this.

 We’ve had a nice June, done a little traveling into the mountain country of Wyoming and Montana and are getting ready for the 100 degree temps forecast for this week.  The Dr. lifted Clyde’s blood clot sentence so we drove to Jackson Hole through Evanston – Star Valley – a beautiful drive, then on through Yellowstone Park, West Yellowstone and through Rigby back to Orem.  Saw two big herds of buffalo still wearing their tattered winter coats, some elk and lots of tourists.  The Teton Mountain range is so beautiful, the airport lies just at the bottom of it and I wonder what the passengers think when they swoop down past this mountain and then take off again at the side of it.  Pretty exciting.

I spent a girl vacation driving to Great Falls with three cuties, met up with Vicki and her three girls and had a great giggling, silly time there enjoying their home, hospitality and the beautiful surroundings – it is about two blocks from their front door to the Missouri River.  We walked down one morning, the kids had fun seeing how close they could get to the current before I would scream and throwing sticks into the River so Major could swim out and bring them back.  I looked for Lewis & Clark but they must have already gone on their way.  I found out how many colors you can paint fingernails and toenails and how many ways there are to fix your hair.  And how many songs Carrie Underwood sings.  But Vicki can fix you up with the best country music CD’s if you want some.

This is the month we honor our pioneers and hopefully we think of them more often than just July.  I drove from Great Falls to Orem in about 9 hours – air conditioning, no wind, no mosquitoes, whatever food we wanted, bridges across the rivers, listened to crop reports, cattle reports, the above mentioned music, so different from a wagon train, horses, mules, oxen or a handcart and four ounces of flour.  We have so much to be grateful for – remember this when you pick the wrong line at the grocery store!

A quote “Take stock in the future, you will spend the rest of your life there.”

And a nice, cool picnic cake recipe:

(you may have this already)

Jello refrigerator cake

Dissolve one 3 oz. pkg. jello in ¾ cup boiling water.  Add ½ cup cold water, set aside.

Mix a white or yellow cake mix, bake in 9x13 pan, cool 20 min.  Poke holes in with a fork, pour jello mixture over.  Refrigerate.

When ready to serve, spread Cool Whip on top of cake.  Mix and match flavors of jello and cake – it’s good!

Have a safe, happy July 4th, read a few histories of your ancestors, write some more on your own life story, be glad you don’t have to churn your own butter, make red, white & blue jello, read the scriptures and continue to count your blessings.

Lots of love & sunbonnets,  Mom

 

1 Year Anniversary - Mom -

Mom passed away a year ago today. I'm so grateful for space to heal, for siblings to hold on to, for children who care, for friends who have patience, and for a husband who has given me solitude and company. 

Mom saying night-time prayers. 1/21/22

Sitting with the Self -

Two weeks ago Friday, late afternoon, text from a patient needing meds (and I'm the helpless chaplain). 

Last ten day, two nieces' baby showers, extended family dinner, and a nephew's wedding rehearsal dinner and absolutely stunning wedding and reception. And then speaking in church. 

This weekend - movie with friends, breakfast with friends, memorial for patient, book launch with friend, dinner with children. (And a couple of major "coulds" that I chose to let go of.)

And what have I learned? Because there has to be meaning here, right? Particularly with the first situation threatening my ability to be present and find joy. 

Stay in the moment. Feel the anger, frustration, anxiety, bewilderment, tension, stress, and then let it go. 

Michael Singer, in his book, The Untethered Soul (which is the best ever self-help book written) has quickly become my bible for all things emotional - good and bad. How do I deal with my insecurities, my introvert'edness when I really want to be present and not waste the week? 

"Once you learn that it's okay to feel inner disturbances, and that they can no longer disturb your seat of consciousness, you will be free. You will begin to be sustained by the inner energy flow that comes from behind you. When you have tasted the ecstasy of the inner flow, you can walk in this world and the world will never touch you. That's how you become a free being - you transcend." (pg. 87)

I acknowledged the early cloud for what it was, acknowledged that I had control rather than the situation having control. 

I acknowledged my lack of desire to be social, and then set that aside for the excitement of seeing family and the desire to be present in all situations. 

Singer says, "Awareness does not fight; awareness releases. Awareness is simply aware while everything in the universe parades before it." 

I have been overwhelmed with my ability to live in joy, acknowledge the moment, stay present, and be true. Hanging out with my self and my friends and family has been so good for my soul. Whether I contributed or not, I showed up (which is a contribution), even while negative energy knocked at my door. I opened my door, acknowledged and then excuse the energies that tend to rob me of those moments of beauty. Choosing to sit with myself.

Fathers -

 I was asked to speak at church today, here's what I said: 

June 13, 2023 Fathers’ Talk

 Greetings, and Happy Father’s Day! A little bit about Scott and me:

Greetings and Happy Father's Day! Scott and I have deep roots in this ward and neighborhood, spanning over 40 years. We have 6 children and 20 grandchildren. Scott is a retired worker from the State Prison and Child and Family Services; three years ago I left my teaching position at UVU to become a full-time hospital chaplain I also have a private practice counseling those who are going through changes in their lives, wanting to be more and be better. We enjoy traveling, reading, and color; we’re the red brick house with bright yellow doors on 1864 South. Scott loves engaging in conversations, while I'm more introverted, enjoying conversation during a walk or on our lovely deck.

 I was raised in the 60s and 70s, when God was not “Heavenly Father,” but a man in a white robe sitting on a golden throne, surrounded by guards with trumpets and swords. With a big book and a feathered writing utensil. He was a god who, similar to Santa Claus, I guess, was making a list of my good deeds and wrongs, or mistakes – not just sins, but any and everything that I thought and did that was wrong – by his standards. And, he had people here on earth watching everything I did, just in case he didn’t see something. And I walked around in my platform sandals and 3” above my knee dresses in fear!

Until one day my seminary teacher, Don Black, said, “You must develop a personal relationship with God, your Heavenly Father,” and that’s one of the first times I’d heard God mentioned as my Father, a radical idea for me, and I had no idea what that meant.

 I thought of my grandfathers, both whom I adored – One whose smooches and hugs smelled of Camel cigarettes and Folgers coffee. The other whose humor was off-the-charts; I swear he made up the first dad joke – What is black and white and red all over? A book! Our trips to the butcher ended with a scoop of maple nut ice cream at the soda fountain next door.

I thought of my father – who taught me how to use a band saw, a level, a dutch oven, how to speak to a stranger with confidence, and how a mistake was a trial run, “next time will be better.”

And I thought of the void there would be in my life if I didn’t have them to love me. They were the example of a Heavenly Father I wanted a relationship with.

When I was around 13, my sister 12, my brother 10, Dad promised to take us to the circus in Idaho Falls. But a phone call from the restaurant required his attention in town. We braced ourselves for disappointment. Then we heard him say [into the phone], ‘No, I won’t be down. It’ll have to wait.’

When he got off the phone, Mom said. ‘The circus will come back, you know.’

‘I know,’ said my dad. ‘But childhood doesn’t.’ And we knew we mattered, that my father’s word was important, and that now, today, we mattered, we were going to the circus!

I am surrounded by good, good men - I have an amazing father who was a great listener, a husband who willingly held my hand through chemo and surgeries and still told me I was beautiful – reminding me daily that I’m the best thing that ever happened to him, and sons who are some of the most top-notch men I know, and I love watching them with their children. As I watch these sons I see their devotion to their families, I see them love without restriction, teach without complaining, create, play, discipline – with appropriate consequences. They are gentle in touch and bold in words - defending and protecting their loved ones.

Luke 17:21 says, "The kingdom of God is within you." They are my role models for my personal relationship with my Heavenly Father.

We can find a Father’s voice in many places and in many tones – shush, the baby is sleeping (the still small voice), loud – get out of the road right now (the voice of warning), Comforter – I know you were looking forward to first place (2 Cor. 1:3-7), encouraging – you can do it, let me wipe those tears, and you get back in the game, (Be not dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you). A lover of beauty – God must really love me to create such a beautiful world (I’m glad that I live in this beautiful world, Heavenly Father created for me). And a father fights with and for his children, By the power of the Melchizedek Priesthood which I hold, I give you a Father’s blessing (a fighter – The Lord will fight for you Ex. 14:14)

I asked family and friends some questions regarding their relationship with God. Here are a few replies:

He speaks to me in ways he knows I will hear Him. He knows how to get my attention, and it’s not the still small voice! My Heavenly Father is patient, kind, generous, has a sense of humor, sacrifices much for me.

"Whenever I need to talk, He’s there; He’s available! My dad is exactly the same way."

"My father was such a good friend, my best friend. My Heavenly Father is just the same, my best friend, and I can talk to Him about anything. I know He will pay attention to me."

"My relationship with my Heavenly Father is like my relationship with my dad – I have to work on maintaining and growing this. If I want more, I have to do the work."

"My relationship with my Heavenly Father has changed dramatically as I came to a recent understanding – my earthly father did his best to never let me down, and neither would my Heavenly Father. I used to think He was vindictive, but he’s not. In Romans we are taught that God is Love, which also means Love is God. He is more quick to dispense mercy and kindness to his children. As I learn more about my Savior Jesus Christ, I develop a deeper love and understanding of Heavenly Father; Christ embraces me daily in prayer and carries my prayers to my Heavenly Father. Christ is my advocate with the Father."

Several men spoke of their scout leaders - "One in particular, who cared, withheld judgment, invited me to be a part of the group, and encouraged me to develop talents that were different from the other scouts – we were all quirky, different, and yet we all felt included, important, taught, shepherded. And through the years, he remembers me, just seeing him in the temple the other day, and he reached out to me."

"When I do right, when I feel the spirit, I think of Him and Jesus high-fiving each other!"

A grandson shared, “I have a pretty ambiguous relationship with Him right now, yet I think he understands me – and when I’m self-deprecating in my own thoughts, I feel Him pulling me upwards to be better. Matthew 6:14 says, ‘For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly. Father will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive men their. trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’ I am so grateful for this message. If He forgives and doesn’t hold grudges, neither should I.”

"When I pray, I begin with 'My Heavenly Father,' He’s my father – how amazing is that? I am a child of God! Whether I’m crying, seeking counsel, or thanking Him for a beautiful day, I believe He cares about me and how I’m doing. I love the scripture in Doctrine and Covenants (50: 41-42) where Christ says, 'Fear not, little children, for you are mine.'”

Elder Todd Christofferson beautifully described our Heavenly Father's divine expression of fatherhood. Fathers exemplify constant support, forgiveness, and understanding. He said, “Fatherhood exposes us to our own weaknesses and our need to improve . . . but it is the source of incomparable satisfaction, even joy.”

I remember one time I was yelling at my father, telling him how tough my life was because I had to go to school and then go to work, that he wasn’t supportive, and complaining on and on. He looked at me, and said, “You can yell all you want, take your frustrations out on me, but I am not your enemy, I am here for you, always.” Fathers are constant, consistent, forgiving, understanding.

Many years ago I lost my spiritual strength and rebelled against my Mormon heritage and many of the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ. For two years I floundered spiritually; I lived in darkness. When I began to see how this was impacting myself and those I loved, I humbly and meekly reached out to God – Heavenly Father, are you really there, do you hear and answer this child’s prayer? And thank God for loving me in spite of myself – this drowning soul came up for air, and I found a loving Father in Heaven waiting for me, with His arms wide open. Just like my father did when I jumped into the deep end of the Heise Swimming Pool, not knowing how to swim. “The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.” (Daniel 9:9)

He is waiting, watching, willing us to grasp his hand and come with Him.

My favorite father, Heavenly Father scripture, which guides me daily as I care for families and patients who are worried, fearful, concerned, and need comfort, comes from Psalm 121: 2-4, “My help cometh from the Lord who made Heaven and Earth” and me!