Monday, June 24, 2013

Lessons I'm Not Learning

1. Asking For Help
Today I drove my car for the first time in 17 days.
I have asked folks (even strangers) to: be my taxi service, open my pill bottles, help me out of the tub, take me shopping for clothes to pull on, pull my clothes on, cut my vegetables, change the sheets on my bed, put my groceries in my car - then take them out of my car and put them away, vacuum my floors, plant my flowers, dead-head my flowers . . .
2. Giving Thanks
Throughout my back and cancer journeys I've said thank you a million and one + times. These thank you's were often accompanied by a note, a crocheted star, bread, or other gift. See, I never thought my words were enough - my "thank you" needed a physical token in order to be properly served.

Well, I'm more helpless now than I was while undergoing cancer treatment, and this has knocked me to my knees in the "thank you" world. Doing anything "more" than giving a thank you is pretty darn impossible. My words must be enough, the intentions of my heart are in every letter of this phrase -

3. Being Gentle
Yeah - I've not been kind to myself. I'm my worst enemy. Post cancer treatments I figured I could literally "get well soon" if I pushed myself hard enough. Then my bike accident, and I can't push! I have not exercised in 16 days (a record for me), I've slept in, moved slower, and the only thing I can "do" is "be." I am changing, there are days I don't recognize myself, but I am trying to welcome that new me into my life - willingly! I am doing my best to practice Karma on myself.

When will I learn? Hopefully the lessons of these past 18 months will sink in -
Here's a story from Hannah - she shares a similar perspective.

Talkeetna, Alaska, June, 2011

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