And although I am finding peace in my journey - restlessness still resides in my soul. I have this list of things I want to do - get full-time employment so I can have health insurance, take a Sunday afternoon nap, drink Diet Pepsi without the guilt that comes with knowing the ingredients, travel to Cuba, find a really cute pair of shoes - that are comfortable, be surprised, laugh out-loud, stop pressuring myself to be more do more ("have more" left a long long time ago).
Some things I'm good at - never looking back, never saying "If only," not judging, accepting others for themselves (now if I could learn to do that for myself), partaking in political discussions, turning down the road less traveled, making decisions, changing my mind, being as spontaneous as my schedule will allow, following my dreams, growing strong nails, rocking short hair, being honest, speaking honestly.
I have made a list of things I am not interested in ever doing - again. I have checked them off my refrigerator list. This includes - float the Provo River, drive the back side of Squaw Peak to Hobble Creek, run, build a home, move to another home, wear low-riding jeans, talk bad about others, list my strengths and weaknesses, job hunt, think I'm less than, feeling obligated, worrying, having dinner with ex's, holding on, stewing about church and church callings, micro-managing.
And that list of things I hope I never do - guilt my children into spending time with me, feel sorry for myself in front of others, say "I wish," "If only," "I can't." Cling. And mostly, I hope I never make "busyness" my life - ever ever ever. I may be busy, but I do have time for the things I want to do. - which includes having an adventure.
Back to what I don't want to do - I found this awesome article by Michelle Combs, in Huffington Post a few days ago. She affirmed my thoughts - hurray - and her words are more humorous than mine.
Today? I can read one of thousands of articles on aging ranging from reasons it sucks to age appropriate ways to wear eye shadow .
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am,
therewith to be content.
I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.