Looking for Happiness - A Mindful Practice 5 -

"Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it."

I've been seriously practicing Mindfulness now for 8 months. And I must say I am feeling more calm than I have in years. In fact, the last time I remember being this calm and "cool" was Thanksgiving of 2005 (Thanksgiving dinner at our house, most of the kids there, and I sat on the couch and visited with the kids while Scott and some of the kids cleaned, and for me to remember this moment is pretty telling.).

First of all, I have been on anti-depressants for nearly as long, and what I think they've done is given my body, spirit, mind permission to calm down, but I've still had to learn the skills.

I've been reading two books, but the one that has helped me the most, and has pushed the things I've learned and I've already known to practice is The Untethered Soul; The Journey Beyond Yourself, by Michael Singer. While this book and Singer, are not without controversy, what he teaches has been truth to me, and his words and suggestions for practice have been the nourishment my angst-ridden soul has needed.

Singer teaches that we need to rearrange how we deal with good and bad emotions. Typically, when bad emotions - whether they come from a wrong, a misdeed, an insult, a thought, something that is bothering, we grab onto it and stew over it for hours, if not days. It surrounds us, encompassing us. And when we can't solve it, we tamp it down inside, stifling the emotion, pushing it deep inside ourselves, so there's more room for the wrongs that come our way, because that's how we're supposed to handle the bad, "If you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all." We examine the wrong, hold onto it like a precious stone, and we don't let go of it. In fact, we can often recollect, years later, the wrong, because it's still inside us, easy to pull out and take a look at anytime we'd like.

Sadly, that's not the norm when something good happens to us. We hold it for a moment, then brush it off, and move on. We may hang on to a small ounce of goodness, but we often think, 'Great, finally," then let it go.

Singer suggests that we switch these two thoughts - holding on to goodness, forever in our hearts, and, after taking a look at the wrong, letting it go. Think of the beauty we would all experience if instead of hanging on to bad, we hold good inside of us, and tamp it down, to make room for more good. And the more good we hold, the more room we have for good. Rather than embracing the bad, we embrace the good.

I've been working on this - rather than embracing the worry, anger, concern, tomorrow's, yesterday's, fears, I've examined them, taken a look to see how they can best serve me (rather than me serving them), and then let them go. This is so freeing! I've had more time to be present, living in the here, living in goodness, being aware of now. This, of course, has helped me in being more generous to myself and to others. And, this has given me more physical, emotional, and spiritual space to hold on to the good (although I'm still having a hard time always accepting the good), and to examine the good, to relish the good, to keep that good close to my heart.

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