Headaches and Associated Triggers -

I began feeling a sinus cold coming on about 9 days ago. I postponed it while Scott and I tended Tyler's kids for the weekend - which was wonderful. Yet Monday morning I knew I was headed to a cold, and Tuesday I stayed home, working from home, in bed. Wednesday I rallied, but by Thursday I was through with my week. In fact, I was so sick Scott had to "teach" my class on Thursday evening. Friday morning I made it into work on a Sudafed, Mucinex, and large cup of strong coffee. My 9am I was having a headache like no other. I would imagine the stimulants drove my system crazy - I was shaking so hard I could barely drive home and dive into bed.

And this is when the trigger hit me. Morning, terrible headache, wanting the lights off, a warm fuzzy blanket, and no sound - I was right back where I was a couple of days after my first chemo treatment when all the steroids and chemicals hit me fully. I remember being so afraid - wondering if this was going to be my new life; wondering if I'd ever see clearly again; doubting my ability to make it through the day. And insecure and sad, very very very both.

My anxiety shaking my body, my headache pounding, my inner-self completely scared, and yet - I knew I could make it through this. There's the golden egg in this terrible trigger-infested day -  I can do hard hard hard hard hard things!

And so with the help of a warm blanket, a quiet dark room, and a semi-calm heart, I weathered the storm. My mind was racing - so I couldn't focus, and of course, if there was anything in my mind that was at unease, I stirred it up more.

Nighttime came, I was afraid to take anything to sleep, my head still aching, and then I remembered I had some lozenges from Washington. So I bit into one, popped half in my mouth, and by the grace of God and THC, I slept.

Saturday morning I still had residual affects of my headache - namely sore head, blurry vision, and congestion from the cold. By mid-day I was feeling quite a bit better. And today, I think I'll be able to work tomorrow.

I don't have cancer; I don't have a debilitating disease; I am not dying or even walking around near-death. But there are constant triggers - pain, headaches, anxiety - that trail behind me waiting for me to slow down enough to jump on my back and weigh me down.

What could I have done differently? Not tended grandkids? No. But I could have laid flat, hydrated, given my body a chance to do what it knows how to do - heal. And - I'm tossing the Sudafed, bad bad, hanging on to the lozenges though.

Life is good.