The New Man on the Team - Lessons -

Right before we moved to Alabama, from Utah, a friend gave me some fine words of wisdom: "Don't say, 'Where I come from we do it this way.' Listen first, watch second, talk last."

That advice came in handy as I watched Edie drop the watermelon onto the concrete patio rather than cut it into slices. It worked when I was asked to decorate for the annual Christmas Tree Festival, and when Pops brought over green tomatoes, rather than cringe, I asked him, "How do you use these?" Rather than wonder (outloud) why on earth he'd picked these big beautiful tomatoes before they turned red. 

Of course, this was more than 25 years ago, and lots of experiences since - and yet this phrase and lesson have always been in the forefront of my mind. I've tried to go into a conversation, a meeting, a new job, a group of people, with an open mind, throwing my agenda out the window and adopting a "teach me," outlook. 

This does also go along with the value of "Nobody care how much you know until they know how much you care," that I was taught by both parents - part of the hospitality "the customer is always right" mentality, yet also that "shut up and listen" attitude both of my parents were pros at. 

That doesn't mean I don't have an ego or that I can't jump into a conversation and quickly insert my foot, yet I've learned over the years that if I'm not teaching (not lecturing, but teaching) I need to check my ego at the door and walk into the situation open and teachable. 

One experience that really pushed my boundaries on the "watch first" attitude was when I went to work as the office manager for an automotive development firm. Quite the experience going into the staff meeting, three women among 25 men, and listen to them talk using computer acronyms an automotive terminology. So foreign to me! I wrote a note on my pad - "How on earth am I going to learn this language?" And then I did - by asking questions and listening. This was one place where, even if I'd had an agenda, it wouldn't have worked! 

And yet there have been plenty of times where I've known the language, but needed to listen to material presented before showing my own knowledge. And there have been plenty of times where I've been the one presenting material, the expert on "green tomatoes," and yet asked for input from others. 

The team I work with (not for) has grown from a tight-knit group of 5 to a larger group of 10, as well as several managers and several teams we collaborate with. We've had to do a delicate dance to not only hire, but acclimate the newbie to "our way," while also listening to their ideas and suggestions. It's a give and take - and until a couple of weeks ago, we've done this adjusting pretty well. Yet hiring someone who "knows" and isn't afraid to tell can be gut-wrenching to a team. 

I'm reminded of a student who came to my writing class the first day with half of his research done on a paper about Harley Davidson's, with an "I've got this" attitude, and only wanting to finish this paper for his A. And when he told me his way of doing things, and I listened, and then told him that he would need to learn my way, he was pretty upset. Because his way had worked just great - indeed, "I've written a lot, I just need to pass this class." He wasn't about to learn anything new, only to show that he already knew. And he lasted about 3 weeks, until the first preliminary research paper was due - which he couldn't/wouldn't write. 

And so - the new guy on the block knows everything, wants to make sure we all know he knows, and isn't afraid to corner any member of the team to tell us how he sees us fitting into his practice; with "This is how I did it here . . ." being his constant phrase. Ouch! Team work? And when I mildly called him on it yesterday - well, let's say, it didn't pertain to him - he knew that! 

And life goes on! Guess I'll see what I can learn from him!