Prayers - Kate Bowler -

 So many times I have prayed for someone. And as a chaplain I often ask my patients, "Can I keep you in my prayer?" Often I'm asked to give a prayer for a patient, and I ask, "What would you like me to pray for," before praying. 

I love prayer. It's about as close to heaven as I may ever get. During cancer treatments I had so many people praying for me, meditating for me, sending positive thoughts and energy my way. And I felt those thoughts, those blessings. They buoyed me up, held me when I could not stand alone. Amazing to be the recipient of someone's prayer, when giving is my mode of operation, not receiving. 

Twice yesterday I felt the Spirit, when talking about prayer with patients. Once with a family whose father is dying - and they said there were hundreds of people praying for them, and they felt those prayers, and they believed there were people on both sides (earth and heaven) praying for them and supporting them. The second was with a young man who probably won't see 50. And he's rather agnostic and skeptical, yet we've connected, and we've talked angst and existential crisis and doubt and wanting to know. I asked him if I could keep him in my prayers. He did a "what good is it going to do" cough, and then said, "Yes. You know, my father is praying for me. And he always asks me what I want him to pray for. I know it makes him feel like he's doing something, because, really, what else can he do? And, I've felt his prayers, kinda like a warm blanket, kinda like a ray of sunshine. So, yes, you can pray for me." 

I prayed for these folks last night, along with my family, my mom, friends who are hurting. And yet - I don't pray for myself. I  pray that I have can be of service, that I can be aware of others' needs. But I don't pray for me, for comfort for myself, for strength for me, for clarity of mind for me, for hugs and holds and rays of sunshine for me. And maybe I should. 

This morning's prayer from Kate Bowler, is the prayer I needed today. A prayer/blessing for me, because of me, because I'm this person she is praying for. Thank you, Kate. 

a blessing for when you’re running on fumes and the summer is starting (unless, of course you’re fine. and if so, call me.)     Sometimes I am paper thinning at every touch.  Responsibilities and duties and errands are wearing me down. There is not enough time or energy  or finances or imagination.  I hardly recognize myself. I can’t keep going, but I can’t rest.  God, can You help me slow down?  I just need a little shelter and a long breath. I need a real summer.  Give me space to curl up for a while. Hold me until I can feel my shoulders drop,  and I am freed from what can’t happen right now.  Let me think only about what is gentle and lovely,  what is bountiful and unencumbered on this on this too-heavy day. God, scoop me up into life as it is.  Stop me from running ahead,  so I can be here in this space for the moment.   May this summer be a chance  to return to myself, once again.  Amen.