Astrology - Signs?

So -

My first husband's birthday is May 6. Scott's is May 2. 3 years difference. Both Taurus.

My birthday is January 30. My first husband's wife's birthday is January 30. 1 year difference. Both Aquarius.

Odd? 

On Being Healthy - The Absence of Sickness -

I had a crummy March - the influenza flu kicked my butt, and I'm still getting back to health - a lingering cold sore (my first in 39 years) is a constant reminder to slow down, sleep, take care of my body and my soul. And yet looking back on March and this much of April, I'd say I'm happy and healthy. Interesting that the absence of sickness can often mean healthy, regardless of whether or not we are fully well.

I'm reminded of this day 6 years ago - having my port removed meant I was moving forward to healthy, even though, looking back, I was definitely not a robust being. Yet the absence of cancer-related appointments and the releasing phrase, "Go home and heal," subtly meant closure and joy and health.

Today I happened on two bits of information that reiterate these thoughts. First, an amazing Tedx talk by Robert Waldinger (reminds me of teacher Parker Palmer). It is in regards to a study by the Harvard School of Adult Development, studying more than 700 men for more than 75 years studying health and happiness. And the simple summary is this phrase, "Good relationships keep us happier and healthier." How profound, how simple, yet how complicated. Waldinger quotes Mark Twain, "Some of the worst thing sin my life never happened," and again, "There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that."

I was impressed with Waldinger's calm joyful presence. He radiates that which he has studied. And as I was learning more about Waldinger and this study, I learned that he is also a Zen priest. Which answers my wondering about his peace.

So searching to understand him more, I found this blog, and this post, not too very long ago, and my message above and the post I've pasted below, pretty much reiterates where I am today.

Happy Friyay!

TUESDAY, JANUARY 29, 2019

On Not Having a Headache

water spout gargoyle, Italy

After a couple of weeks of enduring various bouts of illness, including bronchitis caused by a virus that kept moving from one part of the body to another (lungs, sinus, throat) I am noticing the absence of sickness as a most subtle joy.  This feeling is physical, emotional and mental.  It arises as a softness and ease in navigating the world.

When I'm sick, I often resign myself to feeling tired and miserable forever.  This attitude, while admittedly negative and fairly depressing,  has the positive effect of eliminating the anxiety that comes with wondering when and if I will ever feel good again.

I've been lucky in my life so far -- my various chronic conditions have very mild or absent symptoms, and it's only when I'm struck down by a bacterial infection, headache or virus that I get to experience what many people know intimately on a daily basis.  I'm reminded, in this tender presence of the absence of illness, of the Vietnamese Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh's description of the return of health as "the feeling of not having a headache."  When we are suffering, we forget what the absence of suffering feels like.  It's so subtle...and so sweet.  I'm planning to enjoy it until it changes once again into something challenging.  The memory of illness acts as a reminder to have empathy for everyone who struggles with ill health, while knowing that at some point I will once again join this noble company of suffering myself.

Another Year - Daughter Trip - Tennessee and Alabama -

6 years!!!!!! Last year's anniversary was great, and I felt like I'd "made it." Yet 6 years - I've "made it past" and that is spectacular. This means I am past any markers for re-occurrence; this means I can step away from the worry-zone and move beyond, leave any fears, doubt, anger, moods, hesitancy about re-occurence behind.

And I did this the past few days. My daughter and I have a glorious time traveling together. Last year we made it to Amsterdam and Belgium, this year we went to Nashville and Northwestern Alabama. Spending time with this woman is a joy - she is my best friend; we have a great time together.

Highlights included:

Broadway St. in Nashville - walking and walking and walking and stopping along the way to listen to music - from Honky-Tonk to Country, awwww, that was grand.

Amazing BBQ at Martin's BBQ. In fact, so incredible we went back the next day. I ate more meat on this trip than I have in years; delicious.

We rode electric scooters, and it was so much fun! I didn't fall! Bikes in Amsterdam, scooters in Nashville.

We toured the Country Music Hall of Fame. I could have spent hours in here - learning the history of the "sound," learning about the musicians and seeing their guitars, attire, notes, and then listening to the music of the eras and regions.

We also went to Parnassus Bookstore, took angel-wing photos near the Gulch in Nashville, and took pictures of all of the green.

Sunday my dream came true. 3 years ago Scott and I happened upon a grocery store, turned diner, in Christiana, TN (near Shelbyville). We stood in the line outside the store prior to even knowing what it was. And - the hometown/potluck/covered dish/buffet that was served was delightful. And I told Scott that one day I would like to bring Jenna to this same place for Sunday brunch. We arrived at Miller's Grocery Store 45 minutes early, there were 3 groups ahead of us, the place opened 5 minutes early,  and we were in, even sitting at the same table Scott and I did! The food did not disappoint, we were more than satisfied, and there is just something about good food and good company that does my heart and belly well.

We ate: BBQ - southern style - vinegar based rather than tomato based, and a white BBQ sauce that is local. Hush Puppies, Corn cakes, vinegar slaw, fried dill pickles, meat and three (1 meat, 3 sides), more Mac'n Cheese than I ever have eaten.

Visited friends in Alabama - the Pettus' and Mitchell families as well as Jenna's grade school friend, Toni. They haven't seen each other in about 20 years. Seeing them reunite was glorious. We were also able to visit the Fame Studio and the Muscle Shoals Sound Studio. The Shoals sound definitely has influenced my taste, and even greater, Jenna's taste, in music.

Went on loads of drives - when the kids were young in Alabama, I would pop them in the car and we would go discover. As Jenna and I talked about this memory, we did similarly, ending up on one near the Mississippi border at Pickwick Lake, not on our radar at all. So much fun to see the country - green trees and shrubs, flowering trees, rolling hills, cut-grass front yards.

We went grocery shopping at Piggly Wiggly - a favorite thing to do in a new area is wander a grocery store looking at the regional foods. Jenna and I filled a suitcase with canned goods!

We drove through Amish country in South Central Tennessee, then on to Franklin where we had lunch, then off to the airport and home.

We laughed at ourselves, at each other, at our lives; we talked about hopes, dreams, reminisced, and sorted that out, and just enjoyed being in each other's space.

And here I am - 6 years, full, rich, active, happy, at peace, and moving forward in good health.

Bizzy -

Goodness life is full and rich and good and plenty and incredible and intense and immense and complete'ing.

I'm loving this season of my life - my job at the hospital is incredible - I'm able to use my chaplain skills, my business skills, my writing skills, my organizational skills, my teaching skills, my presenting skills, and my listening skills.

Teaching at UVU is winding down, and I'm winding down with it. This will be my last semester there - promise.

Kids are good; Mom is good; Scott and I are in the best place we've been - taking care of us is a top priority, and it shows in our relationship.

Health is good - making health and relationships a priority, and not focusing on "healing" is the best gift ever.

Baby girl and I are off to Nashville for a mother-daughter vacation. I'm in love with this opportunity; last year it was A'dam, this year TN and AL. Being able to spend time with her is incredible; praying the weather is just a little better than forecast'ed.

Sleeping Tips -

I'm having an awful time sleeping. I can lay down by 9pm, exhausted, close my eyes, and not wake until 3am. However, when I wake, I cannot, for the life of me, go back to sleep. I toss and turn, my mind races. I've tried listening to high frequency sleep music, listening to scriptures (the other night I made it through chapter 107 of Psalms), reading, mantra'ing, popping another sleeping pill.

Nothing's working! I'm at a loss.

Headaches and Associated Triggers -

I began feeling a sinus cold coming on about 9 days ago. I postponed it while Scott and I tended Tyler's kids for the weekend - which was wonderful. Yet Monday morning I knew I was headed to a cold, and Tuesday I stayed home, working from home, in bed. Wednesday I rallied, but by Thursday I was through with my week. In fact, I was so sick Scott had to "teach" my class on Thursday evening. Friday morning I made it into work on a Sudafed, Mucinex, and large cup of strong coffee. My 9am I was having a headache like no other. I would imagine the stimulants drove my system crazy - I was shaking so hard I could barely drive home and dive into bed.

And this is when the trigger hit me. Morning, terrible headache, wanting the lights off, a warm fuzzy blanket, and no sound - I was right back where I was a couple of days after my first chemo treatment when all the steroids and chemicals hit me fully. I remember being so afraid - wondering if this was going to be my new life; wondering if I'd ever see clearly again; doubting my ability to make it through the day. And insecure and sad, very very very both.

My anxiety shaking my body, my headache pounding, my inner-self completely scared, and yet - I knew I could make it through this. There's the golden egg in this terrible trigger-infested day -  I can do hard hard hard hard hard things!

And so with the help of a warm blanket, a quiet dark room, and a semi-calm heart, I weathered the storm. My mind was racing - so I couldn't focus, and of course, if there was anything in my mind that was at unease, I stirred it up more.

Nighttime came, I was afraid to take anything to sleep, my head still aching, and then I remembered I had some lozenges from Washington. So I bit into one, popped half in my mouth, and by the grace of God and THC, I slept.

Saturday morning I still had residual affects of my headache - namely sore head, blurry vision, and congestion from the cold. By mid-day I was feeling quite a bit better. And today, I think I'll be able to work tomorrow.

I don't have cancer; I don't have a debilitating disease; I am not dying or even walking around near-death. But there are constant triggers - pain, headaches, anxiety - that trail behind me waiting for me to slow down enough to jump on my back and weigh me down.

What could I have done differently? Not tended grandkids? No. But I could have laid flat, hydrated, given my body a chance to do what it knows how to do - heal. And - I'm tossing the Sudafed, bad bad, hanging on to the lozenges though.

Life is good.

Sabbath at the Hospital -

This week the hospital where I work moved the chapel into a new location. Remodeling and building has been going on for 5 years, with another 2 to finish! And the hospital chapel being in place is the last step of this section of the project. 

We have an LDS Branch of retired couples that serve at the hospital. They visit the LDS patients during the weekday evenings, then have 2 - ½ hour Sacrament meetings and take the Sacrament around to patients who can’t get to the meetings.

I went to work today, just to make sure they LDS Branch had what they needed, and to be of support to them as they became acquainted with a new area and a new process. As I walked toward the new chapel, I thought of how blessed I am to live in a place where worship is acceptable, even good, and it doesn’t need to be hidden. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve patients, their families, and staff, being able to talk about what they hold sacred. One of my favorite questions is, “What brings you hope?” And often it’s family, a place to worship, Jesus, sunshine, knowledge of a Higher Power. And today, I thought, “There’s hope in this new chapel. There’s hope because we have a chapel; it was included in the blueprints of a new hospital. It wasn’t overlooked; it wasn’t negated; this space is important, and that was acknowledged from administration down to the builders. Spirituality is important.” And then I went with Scott, and 3 of Tyler’s children to the Sacrament meeting, sang hymns, and worshipped.