I Believe -

 Talking about core beliefs with friends and clients lately. Mine are, and have been since I was a teen (at least that's when I recognized them): 

Be fair

Be true

Do no harm

Three phrases that resonate with these are: 

That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but our ability to do has increased. (Emerson)

If good is white and black is bad, then all my friends are grey or plaid. (Grandma Jensen)

Sometimes we're so busy existing that we forget to live. (13th Ward RS)

Yours? 

Meals Services Rated and Reviewed - Hello Fresh, Sunbasket, EveryPlate, etc. -

 Mid-February I decided I was in a meal slump. My sister had tried the meal service, Hello Fresh, and she sent me a discount code to try this out. I remembered seeing discounts on Groupon, so I purchased a few other meal services coupons, deciding that this may be my way out of my lack of desire to come up with dinner ideas. 

So I began Hello Fresh mid February. It was delightful. What a great break! There is a huge selection of meals - meat, chicken, veggie. They were good, and decent priced. All meals were packed separately, with menu cards included. They used lots of sour cream and cream cheese, which didn't make them super low-cal. However, the 2 person option ended up being enough for leftovers for Scott the next day. The downfall, really, is I keep getting emails for "deals" from them, but only for a new subscriber. I know I can unsubscribe, I keep hoping though . . . 

The following week, I used Sunbasket. This began the week Scott fell out of a tree, pruning my daughter's orchard, ruining his right shoulder, having surgery, and just now, 12 weeks later, getting strength and motion back. Sunbasket was a god-send! Super expensive, good-sized servings, great containers, good recipe details, and each meal packed separately. These were easy to fix, the chicken was tender, and veggies were fresh. I would choose them over all I tried, if the price was right. 

Next came Every Plate. They are owned by Hello Fresh. Good sized meals, excellent price, although options are limited. The drawback was that all meals were packaged together in one box. I had to separate. No biggie, just a little more time. And I'll probably use them again. However, I do hate getting "come back" emails, with no real enticing deal. 

Home Chef was similar. Sadly, I had a few things either missing or replaced with a different item. I was getting tired of broccoli! When I ordered a meal with green beans, and broccoli arrived in its place, I frowned. Customer service was great (I didn't call to complain, just to change weeks, and they were very good). 

Blue Apron came next. Beautifully marketed, great packaging, yet again, nothing spectacular. Cancelling my one-week run with them was not easy, online, but their customer rep was great. 

Next I tried Gobble. They were expensive, and I wasn't terribly impressed. The options were limited. The meals were divided, but I still had to unload and semi-separate. And the meals came a day later than ordered. 

Next was Green Chef. Expensive as well. And, by now, after several weeks doing this, tasted about the same as Gobble. All meals were packed in one box, that I unloaded and separated. 

I tried Dinnerly last. I purchased 3 weeks of their meals for a discounted price. I canceled the first week because we went out of town, yet I received an email saying it was arriving. I called customer service, they apologized, told me I could keep the meal. Since I was out of town, I gave it to my niece, next door, who had just had a baby. I then received 3 weeks of Dinnerly, with my last 2 meals being this week. By now, I'm begging for summer foods, and although their broccoli and carrots were fresh, I'm not eating broccoli any time soon, and I'm tired of the 3 ways to cook chicken (that all plans use). Their meals come packed together, yet veggies are in their separate meal containers. I had to print or reference the recipes online rather than being included in the box, like all other services. 

So - 

Sunbasket was my favorite, although 2nd most expensive next to Blue Apron. All, without discount codes, are pricey. When we go out to eat semi-fast food, we plan on spending less than $25, for two, including drinks. Each of these plans, for two, ended up being about $18 per meal. That's not enticing enough for me to continue any of them. 

We did end up eating out a lot less than we would have, just because there was food I had to cook! 

We ate less, just because the meals were limited in size, yet I did miss left-overs for the next evening's meal. 

I spent less on groceries. Usually I spend about $65 dollars a week, and now buying only a few veggies, some staples, and fruit for breakfasts, spent about $65 for two weeks. Not going to the grocery store was a huge benefit.

I didn't have to think about what to cook for meals, and I didn't have to do a lot of prep. This was a valuable time-saver. 

The best meal plan, for me, quality, time, money, was Every Plate. I'll probably purchase the plan, at $5 per plate, again. 

Mostly though, this was an amazing experience, just because of Scott's inability to help me with anything besides sautéing. For the first two months he couldn't drive, which meant grocery shopping was up to me, and yet, without having to meal plan, it was so simple. Scott is also my chopper, helping me prep on Sundays, for the entire week. Again, no prep with these meal plans. 

My biggest piece of advice - purchase these plans on Groupon - I didn't pay more than $30 dollars a week for these meals, or reach out to me, and I'll give you a referral, which could mean a week's worth of meals free. Hurray! 

Pandemic Trauma -

 This article is fantastic and worth the 15 minutes it takes to read it. 

What Happens When Americans Can Finally Exhale

The pandemic’s mental wounds are still wide open.

How are you feeling about leaving CoVid behind and moving forward? 

Are you ready? 

What will you bring with you from the past year? 

What will you leave behind? 

Anything causing you anxiety? 

Time Will Tell - Whose Truth -

 I have trust issues. Many years ago someone told me, "Just slide down the hill, and I'll be at the bottom to catch you." And I did, and he didn't, and I hurt - was broken, and well, that reinforced years of doubting myself, doubting others, and realizing that I couldn't trust him, and in turn, couldn't trust myself. 

Mind you, that wasn't the first time, nor was it the last. Throughout my life there have been times when I've chosen to trust and trusting has had spectacular outcomes - including the time I chose to trust nearly 18 years ago. And other times, not so much. 

The past few months have been tumultuous times. 2020 was really a lovely year for me, yet with 2021, I've seen angst like no other. And it really comes down to trusting myself to trust others. 

How do I do that? Do I open my door just a crack, do I swing the door wide open, it's really about how vulnerable I want to be - at the time, and weighing and measuring the costs/benefits. There have been a couple of times lately when I've been blindsided, so even having a choice as to how far to open the door hasn't been there. 

I try to be rational, attempt to "assume good intent," but at what cost? How much do I hold inside, keep to myself, and tally the losses, or - choose to not trust - can I be vulnerable and still withhold? 

The past week I decided to trust - to be vulnerable. And Brene Brown has done such a good job about sharing the benefits of vulnerability, but what I want to know is this - how do I begin? How do I "give of myself" while also protecting myself? How do I allow others in, when I don't even know how to allow myself in? 

I do know time heals, and I do know there's not a lot of benefit to bringing up the past, yet even saying this is remembering, and remembering creates just enough fear to choose to stay inside, with the door closed. 

Brown says, "Vulnerability takes courage." I say - being courageous takes energy that only trusting can bring. It's cyclical, and being brave enough to show up, to be myself, regardless of the cost, is tough - takes work and takes energy. 

Time will tell - 

From my friend - JGEngland

Oh Well -

 I've been thinking a lot about the phrase, "It is what it is" lately. "Oh well," has likewise been on my mind. And today, Kelly Corrigan wrote about this. 

My list: 

You may wake up tired in the morning - oh well. 

Plans changing at the last moment - it is what it is. 

2 Diet Pepsi's rather than one - oh well. 

Wrinkles will appear, body parts may begin to droop - it is what it is. 

Phone calls not answered, texts not replied - oh well. 

People may be late - it is what it is. 

Loved ones may not remember - oh well. 

You may get outvoted - it is what it is. 

Amazon may be running late - oh well. 

Table manners may never change (especially eating so fast) - it is what it is. 

You may not be heard - oh well. 

Two speeds - it is what it is. 

Clumsiness is the new norm - oh well. 

Rejection may happen - it is what it is.

Lunch plans changed - oh well. 

Robocalls happen - it is what it is. 

Morning walk missed - oh well. 

Forgetfulness occurs - it is what it is. 

Worries come - oh well. 

Storms may come - it is what it is. 

9pm bedtime - oh well. 

Coming to this acceptance has been freeing - come what may. 

Butterfly Effect - If not for . . . (Nod to WCW and Red Wheelbarrow) -

 I found the 2008 movie, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," intriguing on various levels, yet the most interesting was the use of the Butterfly Effect. The Butterfly Effect is the idea that small happenings, can have an affect on big events. Small changes at small increments can have big impact. It's called the Butterfly Effect because of the theory that thousands of butterflies flapping their wings can cause a tornado (in theory). 

In the case of Benjamin Button, the movie would often rewind, showing how an event was impacted based on events that did or could have happened. 

This is all based on "looking back," as opposed to real time. 

I'd like to suggest that this past year has been filled with Butterfly Effects, yet rather looking back, these have happened while living right in the middle of the event or experience - with my eyes wide open. 

December 25, 2019 - 

Planned for a year, given on Christmas - a trip to Hawaii - me, Jenna, and her two. Anticipation! 

January 31, 2020 - 

Birthday party at daughter's tying quilts for my patients. We discuss CoVid and China. My niece, who has been living in China, has Instagrammed about it quite a bit, about the quarantine'ing, the isolation, rearing 2 children in this, and the scares they're facing and the fears of the unknown. Tyler calls his friend/colleague who lives in China, and we get an update. He says it's bad, but they're taking precautions and feel like the precautions are working. 

February, 2020 - 

Ukrainian Airbnb guest, Ihor, staying for the month, asked if he could continue his stay with us, private rent. We said yes. He's a delight, quiet, clean, well-mannered. 

Planning this trip to Hawaii has turned from fun to a little worrisome. What do we need to be aware of for our flight, what precautions do we need to take while in Hawaii (particularly concerned about Asian tourists and the possibility they may be CoVid carriers). 
I buy wipes for plane seats and rental car, hand sanitizer, some Virus homeopathic throat spray, some zinc throat lozenges, vitamin C. 
We figure we won't be in large crowds, so only concerns are the Polynesian Cultural Center, and we plan our time there for a weekday. 

March 3, 2020 - 

After sanitizing our seats, we are off to Honolulu! And so looking forward to it. We did hear about a few folks in Washington, at a care center, who have CoVid, yet we're not particularly concerned, thinking it is isolated. 

March 4 - 

Tore my foot up while walking around Shark Cove. Do NOT wear flip-flops while walking on coral. After being floated across the cove, carried up the hill, ambulanced to the hospital, I am rinsed, x-rayed, casted, and ready for the rest of our vacation - which was absolutely fantastic. 

Visited many beaches, North Shore, Breakfast at Turtle Bay, PCC, Pearl Harbor, Aquarium. Loved our time together. 

March 11 - 

Flew home, on the flight from LA to SLC, sat next to a young man who worked for the Jazz. He said, "Things are going down today; I'd rather not be flying to SLC." Got into the car, radio said March Madness had been cancelled, 2 Jazz players were tested CoVid +. Called work to tell them I'd be late for my 9am meeting, was told not to come into work, but to check with Employee Health, since I'd been out of the country.

March 12 - 

My foot is in terrible shape. Visited a sports medicine colleague, who x-rayed - found a torn Liz-Franke joint between my big toe and other, torn ligaments, and a twisted knee. Put me in a boot and on crutches, made an appt. with an orthopedic surgeon for tomorrow.  Ordered an MRI. 

Went in to work. Oh the pain! 

March 13 - 

Orthopedic surgeon looked at it, said it was bad, but his hands were tied because "no non-essential surgeries" are being performed at hospitals because of CoVid fears. 

This also the day when we went on the 3 month social-distancing and isolation. Working from home is now my assignment, which will allow me to stay off my feet! 

Saw my chiropractor for some adjustments, cried to him about my feet, he reminded me of Dr. Craig Chappell. Quickly made an appt. with him. 

Now the dates are muddy, yet - 

Met Dr. Chappel. He can heal my foot, and my terrible plantar fascitis! Problem, most procedures aren't covered by insurance. Blessing - Ihor's rent will cover these expenses. First procedure on right Liz-Franke and plantar today. 

April-May - 

Because of CoVid, Ihor having to stay another month (borders closed to foreigners), the extra money this brings us, and working from home, my feet are beginning to heal. Miracles abound. 

There is so much peace and calm in our home, in our neighborhood, with Mom next door, and with our children, it's been beautiful. This is a perfect world for an introvert. 

Because of CoVid and not seeing children frequently, I decide we will do weekly or bi-weekly drive and drops. We heart-attack, deliver Easter goodies, Conference cinnamon rolls, lady bugs to release, indoor scavenger hunt, and creativity gets bigger and better, as do relationships. 

I love watching how our children and grandchildren adapt and adopt - homeschooling, jobs, friends, experiences. 

May - 

Because of the above, there are no AA meetings for Scott or temple to attend. Because it's spring, Scott has 2 yards to work in, and - thanks to Cliff's gift a year ago, Scott has a 1962 Grand Prix that needs rebuilding. Because no one can help Scott, this is something he'll be doing on his own. 

And because Scott can, he does, and all summer he diligently thinks through, and then applies what he's learning, to the car. Rather than his typical push push until he breaks, he is methodical in his approach and actions - amazing to watch. 

I am working from home, which makes recovering from foot procedures easier. It's been wonderful to work outside, in the kitchen, alongside Scott, in the calm. I have no qualms about this "time-off."

End of May - short excursion to Driggs, ID. Beautiful, quiet. Jackson Hole - quiet. Tetons, Idaho farmland - always exquisite. We revel in the calm. 

June - 

More goodness; more healing. More Ihor. 

July - 

Picnic on the 4th! A beautiful way to celebrate "independence" in a very USA way. 

Because of CoVid, because of Ihor's insane 3 day, 2 night, drive to and from Mt. Rushmore, we make a 4 night drive to Mt. Rushmore, for the heck of it, and because, road trip! Beautiful country, great drive, visiting Martin's Cove on Pioneer Day (ancestors from both sides made the Pioneer journey). 

June-November - 

Because of CoVid I get to work with CoVid caregivers at IMed. I create great relationships with these amazing people, learn of their needs, interact with them in ways impossible at any other time. "Connect with a Chaplain" phone line is created, and with the help of one other chaplain, and the support of many folks, a way to span the chaplain-less system is developed. More than 100 calls taken and people served through this phone line. 

Because of CoVid, and Ihor, Scott and I do not employ our trainer. We work out on our own every morning and enjoy putting to practice what we've learned over the years. 

Uncertainty and Stress - 

NO! There's a nearly spiritual element to seeing the calm in the middle of the storm. Even with Black Lives Matter, political upheaval, fear of contracting CoVid - what is real, what isn't, th toxicity that abounds, I'm thoroughly enjoying the limitations! Cooking for creativity, sitting in the sun, using food storage and goodies from the garden, peace resides. Sleep is better than ever, and I believe my happiness index has gone up. True introvert. 

August - 

Because of CoVid, Moab is quiet, Durango is quiet, and yet oh, so, hot! Seven nights with the Holm family is spectacular. 

And then Ihor leaves. We have a month reprieve and our own space before Zach arrives. 

And two dear friends, colleagues, because of CoVid, have short engagements and quick weddings, and I am able to arrange their wedding flowers. The simplicity and beauty of these weddings without the traditional stressors, is more than evident as I work with them daily, and I see their happiness rather than their stress. Amazing how we sort through traditions and rituals - what to keep, what to toss, what to modify. 

September - 

Kennedy's wedding - simpler and smaller. Although - Zion was crowded, hot, and I was so so so sick. Yet taking time off was not necessary! 

Because of CoVid, and even moreso, anxiety brought on by CoVid, BYU student Zach needs a place to live, where he can be calm, safe, and focused. He's ours for the school year. 

I will continue to add to this list, yet I feel a need to hit "Publish" and get this story out. So, today, I will do that, full-well knowing . . . 

The Red Wheelbarrow

BY WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS

so much depends

upon

a red wheel

barrow

glazed with rain

water

beside the white

chickens

Wonder - I Am -