Richard Rohr - A Mother Hen God -

 This is beautiful, and a perfect way to begin my day - 

	A Mother Hen God Richard Rohr
	At that very hour some Pharisees came and said to [Jesus], “Get away from here, for Herod wants to kill you.” He said to them, “Go and tell that fox for me, ‘Listen, I am casting out demons and performing cures today and tomorrow, and on the third day I finish my work.’ . . . Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!” —Luke 13:31–32, 34   Nadia Bolz-Weber is a Lutheran pastor, author, and dear friend of Father Richard’s. She published this sermon during the first COVID shutdown in the United States. She describes how Christians might interpret the oft-given scriptural command to “Be not afraid.”     Never once have I stopped being afraid just because someone said that.   I AM afraid. . . . So maybe our hope for becoming unafraid is found in . . . the part where Jesus calls Herod a fox and then refers to himself as a mother hen.    A mother hen.    Maybe that beautiful image of God could mean something important for us: and by us I mean we fragile, vulnerable human beings who face very real danger. I can’t bear to say that this scripture is a description of what behaviors and attitudes you could imitate if you want to be a good, not-afraid person. But neither can I tell you that the Mother Hen thing means that God will protect you from Herod or that God is going to keep bad things from happening to you.    Because honestly, nothing actually keeps danger from being dangerous.    A mother hen cannot actually keep a determined fox from killing her chicks. So where does that leave us? I mean, if danger is real, and a hen can’t actually keep their chicks out of danger, then what good is this image of God as Mother Hen if faith in her can’t make us safe?   Well, today I started to think that maybe it’s not safety that keeps us from being afraid.    Maybe it’s love.   Which means that a Mother Hen of a God doesn’t keep foxes from being dangerous . . . a Mother Hen of a God keeps foxes from being what determines how we experience the unbelievably beautiful gift of being alive.   God the Mother Hen gathers all of her downy feathered, vulnerable little ones under God’s protective wings so that we know where we belong, because it is there that we find warmth and shelter.    But Faith in God does not bring you safety.    The fox still exists.    Danger still exists.    And by that I mean, danger is not optional, but fear is.     Because maybe the opposite of fear isn’t bravery.  Maybe the opposite of fear is love. So in the response to our own Herods, in response to the very real dangers of this world we have an invitation as people of faith: which is to respond by loving.

What Does a Chaplain Do (Part Deux) -

 Ann Patchett sums up what I do, pretty nicely - 

You can't change the outcome, 

but you can sit with someone while they are going on their journey

 and say, 

"I see you, and I am here with you, and I know you are suffering." 

What Does a Chaplain Do?

 This last week I had a friend call to see if he could see me at the chapel of the hospital. I told him my office was elsewhere, and we could meet there. 

I let him into my office, invited him to sit. As we began our conversation the doctor I work with walked by, joined in for a moment, then left. My friend looked at me and said, "I don't think I know what it is you really do." And, "Is this a paid job or are you a volunteer? How many hours are you here?" 

I began to explain that yes, this is a career, not a volunteer job, that I do get paid, that I've had more than 2000 hours of generalized and specialized training, and just as someone would most likely not allow someone who likes blood to draw their blood, rather waiting for a professional, it is the same with chaplaincy. Just because someone likes religion or spirituality, does not make them trained to spend time with patients who have so many needs in time of crisis. 

My friend and I have folklore in common, and he wondered how I had transitioned from teaching folklore and writing at UVU to being a fulltime chaplain. So I shared with him my passions - listening to others talk about their beliefs, their rituals, their traditions, and being a companion to others along this path we call life. And as a chaplain I get that opportunity. 

First - why on earth are there chaplains in the medical field? I thought they were only for the military. 

The best answer I've read in quite some time comes from: 

Sojourn Chaplaincy at San Francisco General Hospital and Trauma Center

Hospital chaplains provide non judgmental spiritual and emotional support for people facing some of the most difficult times in their lives. We are committed to caring for people of all walks, faiths and backgrounds with love and compassion. We are a key part of the whole person care.

And then I had to answer to what was my education like. And I replied, Clinical Pastoral Education, often referred to as CPE, a 40 hour a week program with course work and on-the-ground internship. Along with more training for my specialization in Palliative Care (another time).

This past month I've spent a significant amount of time working on a document that not only shows what a chaplain's role is, but also the similarities and differences between the roles of a chaplain and a social worker. 

And I'll end today's post with that document and the differentiation in just a few words: 

A social worker provides resources, a chaplain provides relationships. Oversimplified, and as you can see below, we both do both. 

Social Worker	Shared Collaboration	Chaplain
Professional Clinical Counselor (Licensed)	While providing similar services, pastoral counselors integrate spirituality, faith, and theology with psychotherapy to help patients and families (pastoralcounseling.org)	Professional Pastoral Counselor (Certified)
Conduct a psychosocial assessment		Conduct a spiritual assessment, as well as assessing spiritual and existential ethical/moral questions which have an impact on end-of-life decisions or treatment options (where do they draw strength, hope; as well as religious practices)
Coordinate with psychiatric staff as needed	Identify emotional concerns: grief/loss, fear, sadness/depression, nervousness/anxiety, anger, guilt/shame, hopelessness, loss of interest; Consult in Interdisciplinary Team for appropriate referral as needed.	Coordinate with members of the team in aligning patient’s values with care plan
Substance use evaluations and interventions	Identify problems associated with substance use, mental health issues, and behavioral issues and coordinate with SW who will find appropriate resources for patient and family	Provide interventions for spiritual and emotional distress and pain: loss of faith, feeling alone, loss of direction, lack of peace, despair, searching for meaning, etc.
Refer to Neuropsych for capacity determination		Refer to SW for substance abuse, mental health, and behavioral issues
Complete comprehensive assessment with patient and caregivers, refer to resources based on assessment, screening patients for transition planning and psychosocial needs	Identify psycho-spiritual variables that contribute to patient’s care; that is patient-centered and family-focused, that respects diversity in all its dimensions/demographics	Identify patient’s values, i.e. relationships, meaning, making, sense of peace and needs in these areas
Provide brief therapy interventions for patients and families that may include support in treatment decisions	Emotionally support patients and families during times of difficulty including grief, loss, burnout, secondary trauma, compassion fatigue, etc.	Provide spiritual care including deeply listening to all languages – body/verbal/emotional, supportive dialogue, pastoral counsel, and supportive presence
Advocate and refer to community resources to include social determinants including housing, finances, mental needs, substance use, safety, medical follow up, dental, health literacy, and transportation, as well as APS, DCFS, and Guardianship Services	Advocate for quality of spiritual care across the service continuum	Liaise with local clergy for religious rituals and sacraments as well as to provide for unmet spiritual needs of patients and families
Counsel for grief and loss as a result of demise, chronic disease, or trauma	Identify relationship concerns: partner, family, caregiver support, isolation, loneliness	Counsel for grief and loss as a result of diagnosis, disease, hospitalization, death. How will this life be celebrated and loss be grieved?
	Provide bereavement support to patients and family; including: Anticipatory grief, ambiguous grief, complicated grief	Mindfully be present and sit with patient, connect patient with self; allow experiences to arise without needing to act on them
POLST preparation shared with clinical team members	Advanced Directive preparation	Coordinate and support Legacy work, i.e. life review, sharing memories, reflection
Lead hospice and end of life family meetings with providers	Develop, lead, and participate in appropriate support groups, follow-up	Provide care to team members and offer suggestions as well as encourage team members to have practices of self-compassion and kindness. Lead reflections that teach care for self and care for others. Educate team on multiplicity of spiritual care practices. Advocate for spiritual care practices in the system.
		Provide education about spiritual care to caregivers. Participate in/facilitate patient care conferences, meetings.
	Demonstrate, and then provide appropriate coping and relaxation techniques to alleviate stress and situational anxiety	Engage in narrative approaches to finding meaning, identifying fears, hopes, conflicts/coping. Share memories and reflect on legacy. Assist family in ways of preserving these memories.
	Document all visits and interactions in a timely fashion using documentation in iCentra, as well as role specific (FICA, HOPE, SIP, SOAP); use secure messaging forums for inter-team communication

Lent and Such -

 Although I'm not Catholic, I love learning about and participating in customs and traditions and rituals of other faiths and cultures. This year Lent began yesterday and ends on April 14. This year for Lent I am: 

Adding Yoga to my morning. 

Spending two minutes meditating each day. 

Not buying in to anyone's crap (see New Year's Resolution). 

Removing the panic of must-do, must-have. 

Wait - Lent is about self-sacrifice, giving up, repentance, self-reflection, to be closer to God. And that is what I intend to do - giving up my "Must's" and giving to my "Self." 

Tuesday I read, 

Meditation

We’re going to be taking our time this Lent. Hurry can wound a questioning soul.¹ And many of us have questions about how to integrate and reimagine practices and observances like Lent, particularly if even the words ‘repent’ or ‘sin’ or ‘fasting’ only conjure up negative emotions and experiences. So even if you have felt like you are in a rush to name your fast from one thing and repent of another, I invite you this Ash Wednesday to simply commit to a beginning.

Deep breath.

Here you are, at the beginning of something. Isn’t that a sacred place to be?

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You certainly don’t need to know where you will end up by the end of this experience. But being willing to begin takes great courage especially when your heart is a bit battered and broken.

A lot of us are entering into Lent exhausted and scared, sad and angry. Let’s bless your real self and your real feelings and this world’s real moment all careening into a sacred season without pretence or performance for once.

And let’s just begin together, shall we?

When our four kids were tinies, I found that when they were distraught or upset or hurt (which happens more than you might think with toddlers) that it helped if I simply reflected back to them what they are feeling, almost as a validation. It could be as simple as: “You want to stay at the park, you’re sad that we have to go.” Or, “You fell and hurt yourself, it really hurts, you poor lamb.” Even, “You are mad because you wanted to play with that toy. I can see that.” Hiccups and snotty noses and tears usually turned towards rest, towards calm or resolution, towards their mum’s arms.

This can seem counter-intuitive - most of us have an instinct to correct or reason or distract or (my personal favourite) aggressively cheering up. If you need a silver lining to be found, I’m your gal. Remarkably, no one has ever magically become fine simply because they are told “you’re fine, it’s fine, everything’s fine” by this Enneagram Nine.

Yet I saw in those years how the then-tinies relaxed and exhaled when I named and affirmed their experience in recognition of their suffering - yes, you are sad; yes, this hurts; yes, I can name with you what you feel and love you in it. I remember how they leaned in, craving my acknowledgement of their pain, that naming, before they could even begin to turn towards healing or rising.²

It can be utterly exhausting to live in a world that relies on performance and pretence and perfection. I don’t know who has landed at this point in our collective apocalypse without wounds and bruises. There is literal war raging. We’ve lost people we love to a pandemic or politics or both. Our world is groaning and we are groaning, too. We can no longer pretend to be fine - it is too costly.

Telling the truth is its own holy comfort. Lent gives you room for the satisfaction of simply naming things as they are - including ourselves. It’s Mother God’s arms holding you as you admit that you and this world are not fine, in order to be able to rise in faith, in hope, in justice, towards the co-creation of making things right…eventually. Just not yet...

Sounds like just what I need. What about you? 

In Praise of "Good Enough" -

"Calm down," my husband hollers at me when I'm just a little stressed or over-stretched. 

"Ronda, stop! That's 'good enough,' you don't need to do more," can be quite the challenge when I want to spend a little more time. 

"Take it easy," I hear when I'm pushing toward a self-imposed deadline. 

"Don't forget to take time for yourself," the phrase shared at work, daily. 

"Make time to rest this weekend," is often the final statement in my Friday work email collection. 

"Go to bed early," is a kind challenge, again. 

While these directions are meant to be kind and thoughtful, rather, they are riddled with patronizing, "mansplaining" words that are easy to offer, difficult to act on. 

I'm already giving these directives to myself, and hearing them from someone who seems to know me better than I do, is disheartening, and depending on the day, quite frustrating. 

This is what I've learned about myself in the few weeks of 2022 - 

"Good enough" is my New Year's Resolution. I have no desire to do anything more than necessary; "easy does it," "the path of least resistance," and "take it easy," are places I need to be for my own sanity this year. I am goal-driven, project-pushed, yet I have no desire, or energy, to do any more than I can do, today, tomorrow. "No pressure" is all the pressure I want to put on myself.

I know how and when to calm down, and I'm doing the best I can to monitor my level of anxiety; hopefully this keeps the "calm" in and "calm down" out. 

In order to "take it easy" I need to give myself permission to say no, set boundaries, go to bed and read, watch a movie, and simplify wherever I can. 

Time for myself includes a longer shower, leaving work at exactly the 8 hour mark, and being more methodical, rather than frantic, in my actions and thoughts. Time also includes silky pj's at 6pm, "clean the fridge" dinners, and gentle yoga for exercise. 

Gonna be tough, yet I can do hard/easy things! And that's good enough. 

For The One Who Is Exhausted

You have been forced to enter empty time.
The desire that drove you has relinquished.
There is nothing else to do now but rest
And patiently learn to receive the self
You have forsaken in the race of days.

…

You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.

… 

Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.

…

Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.

John O’Donohue

 

Space Shuttle Challenger Explosion -

Thirty-six years ago the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded. I was living in Brigham City, with my husband and two children. My husband worked for Thiokol, working on the o-rings for the space shuttle. 

That morning, after getting Tyler off to school, and Jenna down for her morning nap, I crumpled down in my bed, sick with a sinus infection, thinking I would rest while Jenna napped. 

And with the TV on to see the Challenger lift-off, with a school teacher on board, the world was able to see the disaster that was quickly judged to be Thiokol's fault. 

There were Thiokol dignitaries in Florida for this event and NASA dignitaries in Utah for this event; as were media folks from all over the nation and beyond. And oh boy, what a toxic mess this turned out to be. 

Within moments, our entire town was overrun with news vans and cameras and reporters interviewing any person on the street. 

And thank God there wasn't social media in those days. Because half truths were told, assumptions were made, and fingers were pointed before any authority could speak. Oh gosh, what a frenzy that would be today! 

In our neighborhood in Brigham City there were many folks (mostly men) who worked at Thiokol. In fact I think Brigham City survived as well as it did because of Thiokol's employee base, its proximity to Thiokol (40 minute drive, typically car-pools), and the decent salaries of those employed, with a great cost of living in the area. 

Many of the employees came home from work early that day, and an eerie silence settled on the town. The celebratory energy that had surrounded the town dissipated to dust. My husband came home in a shock. There were so many words to say and nothing to share. 

Several men who lost their jobs because of this disaster, and they became the scape goats for all things Challenger-related. 

One of the over-looked tragedies of this was that of grieving families who were were stunned by the event, floored by the horrible press Thiokol, and in turn the employees and families, were given, and absolutely no help processing what this meant to their future, their employment. 

And a year later, because of these events, layoffs, contracts re-routed, and changes to the Space Shuttle plan, our little family moved to Northwestern Alabama, where my husband took a job with Thiokol in Northeastern Mississippi, to work on the redesign of the Space Shuttle and its engines. 

You know, there's so much more to a story than what is presented in the news, online or otherwise. We jump to conclusions so fast when there is an event that is public and publicized. And even though there were so many naysayers at Thiokol and in Florida at the Kennedy Space Center, the "show" had to go on. And the story will never be complete. 

We had two neighbors who were "convicted" without a jury and blamed and shamed for this event. We have a deep love and respect for Allan (Al) McDonald, who gave his life telling the truth.

This was such a disaster, and yet it wasn't only Thiokol's fault - yes, the o-rings were faulty, and many people were opposed, and many people were pressured to giving their "go-ahead." And many hearts ache, still, after 36 years, because of errors. Mine is one. 

David Archuleta and Being True to Self -

So many times throughout my life I've been shamed for decisions I made. 

Shamed for being too much or not enough. 

Shamed for dressing to "together," shamed for not putting on my company outfit. 

Shamed for not getting an education before having children, shamed for getting an education while having children at home. 

Shamed for working outside of my home, shamed for not contributing to the family income. 

Shamed for having "only" two children, shamed for over-populating. 

Shamed for staying too long in a marriage, shamed for leaving a long marriage. 

Shamed for remarrying so soon, shamed for remarrying at all. 

Shamed for speaking my truth, shamed for being too bold. 

Shamed for being too assertive, shamed for not standing up for myself. 

And still, today, I think before I act. I think "Is this worth the risk," before doing nearly anything that may be misunderstood or misinterpreted, or that I'll have to explain. 

And yet here's 30 year old David Archuleta, sharing his deepest thoughts, in a way that can create his future, or can destroy so much of what he holds dear. And he shares. Without shame. 

The BEST 50 minutes I have spent on a Sunday in many many years. Please listen. Mormon or not, his  vulnerability is powerful, poignant, poetic, and gut-wrenching. And I'm sad that he feels as though he needs to explain himself. And grateful he does. 

Oh to be so brave - 

                                                                David Archuleta Shares -