You have so much to offer the world -

Organized religion and the philosophy of eternal progress can really f* with a person. Nearly every day of my life as an adult I have asked myself - what more can I do? What more can I be? Am I being enough? Am I doing enough? What is my purpose? What more do I have to offer? It's always "more," not ever "enough." Always "do," seldom "be," seldom "listen." 

"Oh Ronda, You know better; you have so much more to offer, there are people who need you, be the change, be the voice, we need you, I need you, the world needs you. You're a strong woman, time to step out of the shadows and into the light." 

Shit! That has been freaking exhausting - to go from shadow to light to shadow to light, always guessing, always wondering if I'm doing "it" "right," with typically patriarchal/male direction and a disregard for feminine energy and direction. Some days I am just shape-shifting - going from one truth to another, based on societal implications. 

Again today I stopped and listened, and I thought, "What if I don't want to change? What if I don't want to grow? What if I want to be happy with who I am, where I am, what I have?" ENOUGH, NO MORE. 

I've been working hard most of my life to "be the kind of child, daughter, woman, mother, wife, employee the Lord/boss/management/students want you to be." And that's been fine when I've had to fit in. Yet, yuck! What about the me I want me to be? Free from societal expectations, safe in my own skin and thoughts, space, and comfortable, yes, comfortable with where I'm at - right - now. 

And maybe I'm feeling this more powerful today because I again question myself - am I all I should be? Is there more I can be doing? What is my value? What is my story? Where do I want to be? Am I safe with my thoughts in the space I'm in? 

This came over Instagram today, and a colleague sent it to me. It gave me tears - thinking, "Yes, now's the time." And then I felt overwhelmed, sad, resigned. And then I was pissed - another time a man is telling me who I should be, that I'm needed, how I should behave, what I should "do," always from a male perspective.  

Ultimately, this is what truly speaks to my soul - from woman to woman, a gentler approach. 

Zucchini, Flowers, Herbs