F Cancerer # 6 & 7 - Pace Myself

#6 & 7 -

I have learned I cannot run faster than I can walk - and I've learned that the hard way, crashing on my bike a short time after I finished cancer treatment. Yet - I think I learned pacing while undergoing chemo - there were days that my "to do" list consisted of: "get up, go to the gym, get dressed, take a nap, go from there." And rightly so, cancer treatments kicked my ass.

This lesson has been valuable, and again this morning I was reminded to pace myself. A conference in SLC began at 8:30am, and I was not there. Yet rather than be terribly anxious about being late, I enjoyedthe drive, arrived at the break, met my colleagues, did my part, listened, and left early for home. BECAUSE I COULD. And the rush rush rush that I often felt in the past is not much a part of my life any more. I hurry, I push, and I also pace. 

And I have a whole lot less crashes when I do slow down - and a whole lot less messes to clean up!

F Cancer #5 - Grandchildren

#6 - I love my family, and as much as I love them, I love them in bits and bites rather than all at once. Cancer taught me this. I don't need them all around, all the time.

For instance, Miss Tempest. She is the grandchild who traveled my cancer journey with me the closest, just because her momma, Jenna, was my 2nd in command.

Last night the Holm family came to visit; Tempest was tired, curled up in a blanket on the couch, and I knew she wanted to spend the night. So just like that, no questions even necessary, because of trust and constant communication, Tempest woke up here this morning, and nothing important planned, just time together. One at a time!

F Cancer #4 - Sitting with God -

#4 -
Yesterday I was at lunch with a friend. We mentioned being in tough situations and just wishing God was able to sit next to us and converse - a listening ear, some guidance, acknowledgement that we're on the right path, sorting out options, be that presence when we need one.

And I mentioned there are times when I think, "Ok, I don't need someone in a chair to listen to me, because I can turn to my Higher Power." And yet there are times when I'd like a physical body to sit with me.

My friend agreed, and we continued on with our conversation. And then I was struck with this thought - I am sitting here talking to God; the God within all of us. We have friends, live conversations with them and when the communication is revealing, perhaps that is God talking to us.

Cancer has taught me to reach within to find my strength, and healing has taught me that I do need others to affirm my wanderings.

This man is my companion; he sits with me. 

F Cancer #3 - Nails in Honor of BC -

3. I have learned to embrace my "marching to a different drummer." I've never been much of a conformist for the sake of following the crowd. I've typically weighed and measured my options and then taken the step in that direction.

Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) is an outlier cancer, matching my non-conforming personality.

And last night, when I had my nails painted, and I thought about what I wanted, and how I wanted to honor this month (pink ribbon painted on one finger?), I chose this.

Here's to those who won't follow the lemmings to the leap.

F Cancer #2 - Tact -

On the list of Cancer-related goodness's -

2. I have learned how to be tactful. I am definitely frank, but that is different from tactful. I can now couch my words to fit my situation rather than to fit my emotions. "That's not going to work for me," rather than, "Hell no," is an example.


As I walked into work today the 2 women at the front desk asked me if I wanted my picture associated with my medical records updated. They said they couldn't even recognize me (I had an appt.), and thought I needed a new pic. I was grateful for their concern. Here's my pic, nearly 7 years ago.

Thanks, Michelle and Rhonda, for caring!

Pinktober - F Cancer -

It's that most wonderful time of the year, again! And I hate Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Cancer isn't sexy, pink, glittery, promotable, celebratory. Cancer sucks.

This month I'll be sharing some of my highlights though. What I've learned from cancer is a topic I think about daily, and perhaps now is a good time to think of the brighter side of a month that makes me want to puke.

1. Breast Cancer taught me to be real. There's not much kept private during cancer diagnosis and treatment. So being real (honest for another day) means showing my weaknesses and strengths to myself and others.

A bad day at the beginning of radiation. Drawn in eyebrows. 

TNBC - Research

This time of year I get anxious about my cancer. I took a look at some recent research, have decided I do want to have the genetic testing done - with a son and daughter who may have tendencies, it's time. And I found this blog: Positives About Negative, that has some recent posts about recent studies. I like her approach.

Onward!