No Holiday for Me

I missed Thanksgiving, I missed after-Thanksgiving shopping, I missed visits with children and grandchildren and nieces and nephews - I missed opportunities for conversation, cuddles, connecting.

Village Inn for Thanksgiving dinner does not a Thanksgiving dinner make. Aunt Karen's leftovers were generous and delicious, but still lacking the communion that goes with holiday food. I missed making pies - a tradition of mine for at least 20 years. I ate junk, feeling sorry for myself, and that didn't help my digestive system.

I was able to watch a couple of movies, but the one I was drawn to, in my bleak and dreary pain-filled world was The Family Stone, Diane Keaton, the mother, dies of breast cancer. Good thing I couldn't get the DVD player to work! Hugo was cute - but he didn't have a home, he didn't have anyone to belong to. Oh goodness.

I spent 6 hours at the hospital on Friday getting IV fluids and my Neulasta injection. The 7th floor, oncology, was one floor I avoided as a chaplain, and 5 hours of laying in a hospital bed, trying to stay warm, trying to relax, trying to not "miss," yearning for quiet, and inconveniencing several people caused enough anxiety to last the rest of the weekend.

Uncle Pete, who has seen me happy and semi-healthy got a huge dose of my reality, as he watched me go from making Sunday breakfast to laying in bed in pain while breakfast baked. Darn - that's how fast the pain travels. And then, the day I thought maybe I'd attend church, to sing hymns of gratitude, found me flat in bed, all stinkin' day. I'd bought lots of vegetables to cook for healthy dinners over the weekend and this week, and my mother did a great job of turning those into a yummy stir-fry dish, and I managed about 6 bites before going back to bed.

No reading, no writing, no studying, no listening to music, no movies, no crafting with my daughters and sisters (thanks Nick and Karen for braving my storm to visit), bah-humbug.

This morning I figured I'd be "better," could make it to the gym to at least walk, to be able to eat, just a little, to be able to concentrate. Nope - stomach hurts, thighs and knees are throbbing, and I think I'll go back to bed.

Last year I had back surgery on  Dec. 13 and spent 2 weeks flat on my back, post-surgery. I missed decorating the house for Christmas, singing carols, baking Christmas sweets; please tell me that next Christmas, Christmas 2013 is going to be spectacular!

IV fluids today, Wednesday, and Friday - thank heavens!