Friday, November 2, 2012

This is my life

So this week has been filled with downs and ups. I'm discovering that evenings are the hardest - which I'm sure has to do with being tired and not having Scott around (Scott's work schedule is usually afternoon through closing). I'm determined though to not be bummed in the evening - read, attempt to eat something, walk, just do anything, and then go to bed and sleep. I'm amazed at how much sleep I really need, and I'm taking Sue's advice, and the doctor's, to get a nap in during the day - makes a huge difference.

I'm slowing down, my stamina and endurance are not what they were even 2 weeks ago. Climbing the stairs twice to change the wash winded me. My doctor yesterday said my type of chemo is hard on the heart, so I need to not be winded, not be focusing on aerobic, just movement. Thank heavens for The Lab, Cody, Betty, and yoga. They are keeping me moving, without guilting me into moving more.

My body is changing - hair loss is definitely a part of my life. I am grateful for hats - tight little hats that keep my head warm but don't take up too much space! My bowels are wacked out, my vision a little blurred (gotta get some stronger reading glasses), and my skin is very dry, including my scalp. My port is still healing and bruises easily. I get cold - it's amazing how much warmth hair brings to a body, and with my resistance down, warmth is so important. My counts are lower this time than last, and I'm anemic, and I have thrush (affects of chemo).

I'm learning about surrendering to win - after a tough Wednesday night, Thursday morning I was rehydrated (IVF) - with another scheduled for Monday, that's 4 times this chemo round. It is keeping my headaches at bay, keeping my color better, giving me the needed fluids that I just cannot gag down right now - water doesn't even taste good, thinking of food makes me nauseous, but just the fact that I recognized I was dehydrated and then didn't fight it, was a very good sign. My doctor said that's how my body is going to deal with this chemo journey - and I'm becoming OK with that.

I'm continually learning how much people honestly care. I am surprised at the hands and feet that come to my front porch, leave something, and depart. The constant generosity overwhelms me. As well, the FB posts, e-mails, and cards with kind words - I am carried. I am surrounded by amazing family, friends, strangers. I am grateful for Halloween grandchildren - it was fun to see them in their costumes - Rapunzel, vampire, kitty, genie, and others. Thank you for taking the time to stop by - you made me smile.

I am in isolation again this weekend (thank heavens for good weather, at least I can go for walks), through Monday - but I'm going to be OK, I have a couple of small projects, some books, and I'm learning how to "be."  I have no plans, no expectations, that's good, for me.

Closing this post with some pictures that were on FB this week, but I have loved ones reading the blog who aren't on FB.

See ya'll on Monday - blessings -


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