Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Plans - Thank Heavens for the Future

Last year my only plans were to make it through chemo and radiation, surviving one day at a time, in fact, some days it was one hour at a time. There were hours when I really did not want to live, when the pain was too great to make it through another moment. It's not that I wanted to die, but really, chemo sucks (radiation was awful as well, but did not suck the life out of me like chemo did) - and it will never be my friend - more like a necessary evil, and sometimes I wonder how necessary. The bravest souls in the world are those who have reoccurring cancer and choose to go through chemo for a 2nd or 3rd time. I'm not sure that would be my choice.

Back to plans - my plans were to "make it through." Amen, that's it.

Aaah, how nice it is to be on this side of healing. Although I'm still weak, a little unsteady, have minimal feeling in my finger tips, and have no hair on some parts of my body, I'm healing. I'm losing that chemo weight, exercising, sleeping well, and have made it until this week without a cold (which is amazing with teaching school). I am progressing.

So my plans? Simple things really - visit with some friends who are here from afar, make Thanksgiving pies, eat Thanksgiving pies, create with my sisters, grade research papers, send Christmas cards, go to Snow White with Jenna and Tempest, go to Scott's work party with him (Jenna went last year), do a little Christmas shopping, cuddle a new grandbaby (due Christmas day), teach at UVU next semester, get the rest of my weight off, fit into my pants from last year, go on a trip to the south in the spring. So some plans are specific, already on my calendar in pen, and others are vague - still in the planning or delivery stages. I've found that I can't think or plan too far ahead - the anxiety this causes me is puzzling (because I am such a planner), but I'm mostly OK with preparing for the simple, for now.

I am truly grateful for tomorrow - for the next hour. Sometimes I have to pinch myself (OK, not really) because I feel so fortunate to have that next breath, and life is so good, and tomorrow will be as well.

I have a jewelry kiln! My sister, Paige, and I are making silver jewelry this week. Planning for this new adventure has been a blast - strengthening friendships while also pushing my brain forward -

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