Am I Being Rude? Introverts and Parties -

I hate, hate, hate parties, especially Christmas parties - church, work, family, friends. The older I get, I enjoy them even less. And my angst has gotten worse over the years. I think my two years down with cancer fed my introvert and perhaps even strengthened that part of me. I do not enjoy small talk, trying to figure out what to say, mixing, mingling, chatter, finger-foods, meeting spouses, sitting, standing, wondering.

With that said, I love, love hosting a party. I enjoy watching people small talking, mixing, mingling, chattering. I get a kick out of seeing who hits it of with whom. I enjoy being behind-the-scene, cooking, coordinating, adjusting, refilling, observing. And I can come "out" occasionally for a touch of chit-chat, but then I need to go back to my hovel (kitchen typically) and regroup.

Problem is this - how do I say, "No," to these get-togethers? It's nearly impossible to tell colleagues, extended family, that these occasions are brutal! I'd really rather meet for an intimate dinner, a small family visit, and I'm happy to host, or pay!

How do I gather then energy it takes to go to a party, and then, where do I go to put myself back together again? It takes hours, sometimes a day, before I'm back to myself after an event. And "Oh, but we'll miss you," is just not enough incentive for me to attend.

Sorry siblings, friends, colleagues, but my idea of a Merry Christmas is my intimates - myself, Scott, kids, grandkids, a cup of tea, a bowl of popcorn, fire in the fireplace, pj's, Christmas music or movie or book, and I'm as happy as I could possibly be. Keep inviting me though - just in case!

Please don't feel sorry for me, or for you, it's better off this way - for all of us. I promise no one is missing out! I love you all, I really do!