Wednesday, January 10, 2018

I've Been Thinking -

Yeah - an introvert never stops thinking - perhaps thinking more than speaking, and definitely thinking before speaking. And there are a few things going on in my mind, that haven't necessarily been coming out of my mouth -

Tired - damn I'm tired. Is it age, still cancer recovery, or am I really doing too much?

Doing too much - I'm crazy busy, and I hate the word "busy," but my plate just magically fills - with goodness - but still overly full. And I dream of the time that I can remove some goodness from my plate and make time for a few other things, like being a me.

Me - who am I, really? I define myself by my roles - teacher, chaplain, diversity advocate, then - wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, and lastly, friend. I'd like to add a little more time to those last three roles, less to the others.

Grandmother - dang I miss my grandchildren. How do grandparents handle being miles and miles away from their grandchildren? I'm no more than 30 minutes away from 1/2 of my grandkids, and that's too far.

Growing Up - and yet I know that my children and grandchildren have lives of their own, and I step back, sometimes too far back, and give them space, but I do miss spending time with them.

Time - I know, we all have 24 hours in our days, and we all have to choose how we spend them.

Spending - I've about decided that I'd rather have time than money - time for grandparenting, friending, spousing, than time to travel abroad. I think I may be cutting back on income in favor of time.

Income - my dream is to be a full-time hospital chaplain. I strongly believe this is my calling. And if I could only get those in decision-making roles to understand the value of a full-time chaplain, perhaps my dream could come true. But finding someone to talk to, to convince, is like fishing in a fishless pond. Possible, but impossible.

Impossible - I love experiences. I'll gather experiences all day long. And nothing is impossible, correct?

Correctness - I'm finding I care less about being right and more about being compatible, unless it is really something I care about - chaplaining, teaching, mothering, being true to me. All else is just fluff.

Fluff - I could really use a soft pillow and fuzzy warm blanket right now.

Now - back to matters at hand.

Hand - grateful for the opportunity I have to type and blog about life and my journey. More on Journeys later.

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