Sunday, December 2, 2012

Epiphany

Last night I was texting with a fellow chaplain who lives in California. He asked how I was doing, I said I'd been sick, but feeling better today. I told him the chemo had made me quite sick, but I was I was learning to count my blessings, even when I'm hurting. His reply, "I'm so sorry about the chemo and resultant sickness on top of cancer. They say the treatment can be as bad as the disease." I replied, "Considering I did not know I had cancer, and who knows how long it would have taken to be sick from the cancer, this is horrendous. However . . . ."

As I was writing this simple reply, I was hit with the knowledge that I have cancer, of course, but I cannot whine about having cancer right now, this very minute in my life. One of those blessings I will continue to count is this - I have cancer, but it was detected early enough for me to not be in pain because of the cancer itself, and if I had not found that lump, if I had not had that little bit of pain, who knows how long those cells would have continued to grow and where they would have traveled to in my body. It was detected at probably the healthiest time of my life, when I have the energy and time to travel this road. I have the support of friends and family, at this very moment, and that is immeasurable. There are so many reasons I have cancer now, not last year, not next year, but now, that I am overwhelmed with, today, the feeling of gratitude and peace.

Of course the pure fact answer is - the lump would have been detected five days later than it was because I had a mammogram scheduled. However . . .

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