Going back a few years ago - Jenna's husband, Cliff, was in an industrial accident, electrocuted, heart stopped, burns, amputations, skin grafts, secondary infections, and there were days Jenna wondered if Cliff could handle "this" much longer. I watched Jenna suffer watching Cliff suffer. Cliff was in the hospital for 2 months and recovering for 3 more years.
An important phrase a crisis therapist told me was this, "Your job is to support the supporter." My job was to support Jenna, who was supporting Cliff.
When I made this statement to Scott on Sunday night - and his Monday anger and reaction, he needed someone to support him; he needed someone to turn to who could help him walk through his reaction to my statement.
Thank God I have been seeing a therapist for a couple of years. I called her office on Tuesday morning, and although her day was full, she made time to talk to the 2 of us yesterday afternoon. She took our anger and turned it into fear - the root emotion, and taught us how important it is to share that fear with each other and then to reach out for support.
I have realized that I have a great support system - and in turn, so does Scott, but think about how his life has changed in the past 4 months. He's gone from having a healthy, vibrant, sexy, dynamic, talkative, energetic, gorgeous, attentive wife (OK, mostly), to a bald, off-balance, exhausted, teary, anxious, introspective wife with absolutely no time for him. Our lives are cancer - there's no way around it.
Talk about trauma? Talk about "why me?" Talk about lonely? Talk about loss? Talk about anger, fear, grief, and then, to top it all off, he loses his father and then his father's home (right across the street from us) is sold.
Support - I'm working on supporting my supporter this week.
I need him; he needs me.
We both need a support system - even when we say, "Everything's fine."