I've lived these past 8 months moment by moment. I'm a planner, and as much as I appreciate mapping things out, Scott and cancer have taught me the beauty of spontaneity. That doesn't mean every moment has been pleasurable, but there is beauty in the lessons I've learned.
The past few weeks I've been able to begin thinking about tomorrow. Some days tomorrow is overwhelming, and I go back to the hour by hour. Some days thinking about tomorrow brings me hope - and for that I'm grateful.
Ten years ago my goals were:
Graduate from college with my MA
Do research in a small community - fall in love with that community
Leave that life
I checked those off, then decided I needed to let life guide me. It has done well - and I am so grateful for the adventures, experiences I have received these past 10 years. I would have never dreamed I could be a college professor, a chaplain, involved in the arts, married the man of my dreams, become an "other" mother to 4 beautiful children, serve as a chaplain, as a business executive, travel to Alaska, be a grandmother, and have cancer.
I have some tangible goals, although they're all over the map in
size, duration, plausibility. As I begin, again, I must remember my
affirmation for this year, "There is an abundance of time."
As I think about tomorrow, the future, I'm thinking about who I want to
be - what I want to do, what are my dreams. This scares me - as much as I
like to plan, thinking about a bigger picture does frighten me. I'm
ready to face that fear - and I'm ready to put my dreams out to the
energy around me, while also recognizing they can change based on the
"just around the corner" - whatever the mind expects tends to be
New Life Goals include:
Continue to look within for answers
Sit in the sun 1/2 hour a day
Exercise daily (dump those 20 cancer pounds), + walk 30-60 minutes a day
Enjoy the summer
Play with my grandchildren
Put my craft-room back together and begin, again, creating
Get another degree
Buy a motor home and travel
Write, perhaps publish