F Cancer #17 - Standing Up for Myself

#17 - Standing Up for Myself

I had to weigh every single time I went into a doctor's appointment during my cancer treatment; this included chemos, hydrations, and weekly during 8 weeks of radiation. I get it, fluid retention, rapid weight loss and gain, yet adding one more stressor to my already angst ridden appointments. And by the time I was finished with treatments I had enough. Enough of being told to "stand on the scale."

In fact, I'd had enough of being told anything. And so my first time at a regular doctor's appointment, and I was asked to weigh, I said, "No, I won't today." And the nurse looked at me like I had broken a commandment.

Since then there have been plenty of times I've said, "No," in defense. No to weighing, No to eating eggs, No to extra time with someone, No to attending church, No to accepting an assignment, No to being told what to do, No to being pushed into something I'm uncomfortable with, No to allowing someone to know me better than I know myself.

Over these past 6 1/2 years I have said "No" more than I have my entire life. And my lesson has been that I know me! I know my purpose, my my path, my passions, my pursuits. And although I've also learned to be flexible these past years, I've learned that if I'm not happy . . . well, if I'm not happy, then I'm not happy! And saying No has allowed me to begin to control my anxiety and my fears. I can't be in charge of how someone else will take my No, yet guilt was a regular for the first hundred "No's."

I have learned to stand tall, to be me, to own my story, to let others do the same, and then to know when Yes is important, and when No is important. Hurray for me!