I am so surprised at how precarious my emotions are these past 6 months. I can turn on tears of fear and gratitude so fast - and this is new to me.
My intentions for February have been this: "I give myself permission to heal. My body knows how to be healthy. I am at peace." My intentions for 2013 are: "All is well in my world - and so it is." I have both of these phrases on my desk, so I see them regularly. And when I take the time to think about them, rather than just glancing at them, I am stunned at the literalness of these phrases.
I've rested this month, and I've done a pretty darn good job; I can feel my body healing - I lay down for a nap, exhausted, and awake with more energy than I had hours before. As I exercise, even in the past 2 weeks, I see my body getting stronger, able to do a little more, lift a little more. And then I rest. As the chemo is being released from my body I am stunned at how my body has remembered to be healthy, how to right itself, how to find wellness.
I can also feel my head clearing. I didn't know how fuzzy I was, until one day my headache lifted, for just a couple of hours, and the difference was noticeable. Now every day that fog clears a little more and for a little longer.
I see the relationships that I thought I'd put on hold still there - and being able to see and touch those friends and family has reminded me of how well my world is.