February Permission

For February my affirmation is this: I give myself permission to heal. My body knows how to be healthy. I am at peace. All is well in my world.

As I talked with the oncology nurses and then my therapist on Friday, they all reminded me of some things -

• February is critical to my recovering from one major long event - 2 surgeries and chemotherapy. The month "off" is really a time to rest, begin to heal, and get some strength to begin radiation the end of the month. 

• I must say "no" to opportunities that continue to come my way. I am still in treatment, and this is not the time to begin anything. 

• We talked about me being so stressed out, my blood pressure has been 145/90 the past few days. I know this comes from me thinking about the future. I have had to live the past 4 months day by day, rolling with the punches and sometimes being spontaneous - for fun and for medical needs. When I start thinking about tomorrow, next week, next month, and the people involved in those plans, I get so very overwhelmed. This is not typically me, but welcome to the new me, at least until May (I've been told to not do anything without my doctor's permission until then), although I'm told 2 years to heal. 

• As much as I want to play and socialize, I can't. I can't risk illness. Radiation kills white blood cells - and I need a vast reserve as I head into Feb. 26. 

• If you want to visit, call or text first. I may say yes, I may say no - doesn't mean anything other than I'm taking care of me. I will always take your e-mails and FB messages!

•  Resting does not mean I have spare time! I need to remember that! 

Will you all please help me, gently, be still for the next 4 weeks? Please give me permission to heal, so I can be prepared for this next series of treatments. Please help me find the calm and the peace I desire, my body needs.

 

 Alaska, 2010