Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Introvert with a love for others -

I love people, I really do. I've missed being around others.
I love people, I really do. I'm just fine being alone. 

Oxymoron - nope, just a way to describe me - yes, I'm an introvert.
I have taught college for 10 years; I still quiver in my shoes the first day of class.
I am fine speaking in public - although being in the public's eyes means I have to go home and detox for the rest of the day, just to get my energy back.
I come from a big family, and I love them all, but crowds wear me out, quickly.
I'm rather private; I don't share a lot about myself, in fact I'd rather listen to you than talk about me.
I'm not one for "idle" chit chat - I like deep intense conversations, sometimes diving too deep too fast.
I'd rather stay home and read, or think, or write, than put myself in a room full of strangers, or even sometimes in a room full of colleagues.
I don't mind shopping, eating, spa'ing alone. I like being alone.
My fantasy day would be a day all alone, where I never have to use my voice, soaking up sun, walking, thinking, pondering on life.

I like having a choice! Cancer and its treatments have forced me to be alone. This has filled my introvert cup, full enough now that I want to venture out, be with others, carry on conversations. I'm looking forward to this week - a writing workshop with Terry Tempest Williams, one of my writing heroes, and the author of "Clan of One-Breasted Women," and I get to attend a conference at UVU on Mormonism. This will be my first time on campus since diagnosis. I'm nervous, storing up energy, anxious, and excited - but don't worry if I'm sitting alone - that's just fine!

Jenna says I have a penchant for announcements, for gathering people together (via party, e-mail, Facebook, blog) to "share" something, so I can't possibly be an introvert. I told her I do this because then I don't have to tell my story, make my announcement over and over again. I enjoy being surrounded by the people I love, just a few at a time though. 

I like this - wanna collaborate with my friend and assemble something like this for our community - this is the type of encounter, the type of conversation I enjoy.

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