Give Me a 'Re'

I need a friggin' break. There should be some redemption from going through surgeries, chemo, radiation, dry-heaving, aching, etc., etc. 

But there ISN'T! Moving forward is hard hard hard - where is the 'easy' "because you've been through such a hell"? I'm too tired to work hard to find me. Tired, loss, weight gain, aging - these should not be showing on me, my face. I'm not 're'covering - there's no 're' in this - no reason, no redemption, no rest, no release, no relief, no reward, no resolution, no resolve. 

I get it - it's going to take me a year before I begin to feel my new normal. But that's not fair - why am I the one to suffer the repercussions of cancer? I didn't break my leg skiing, twist my ankle running, tear a tendon lifting weights. Cancer found me - I wasn't doing anything that would invite cancer into my life. And here I am - where is the release, the reprieve? How can Cancer change everything? Why?