Friday, September 14, 2012


This morning, at 48 hours post-op, I took off the Ace wrapping covering my chest. I was not prepared - I have a 4 inch incision in my arm pit, where the doctor removed the 3 lymph nodes. I knew about this one. However - I have about 1/2 of my left breast remaining, with a large void where the rest of my breast used to be. The incision from my side to the middle, bottom, of my breast is about 7 inches long. I have no feeling from my side to my nipple, nothing. Just a big long scar, skin tucked and pulled, and red and purple. As I stood looking at myself in the mirror I went light-headed and pasty white and had to clasp my hand over my breast and look away.

I was taught my body is a temple. I was taught that God gave me this body to take care of, and if I did, it would serve me well. I eat healthy, I exercise, I sleep, and my body has served me well.
I was also taught I am not my body - and that I shouldn't let my body define me - I am MORE than my body - I am not silky long thick hair, curvy hips, tiny waist, perky boobs, pouty lips, slender legs.

I've shown my "left side" to several people today - my mother, my friend, my sister-in-law, my ex-mother-in-law. I would have never shown them my whole breast before, but this time - this viewing, it's about what's not there, what's missing, as opposed to what could be there, what was there, what should be there.
I am not my body - but this is what I have, and I will love my temple - bumps, bruises, scars, veins - because it is in seeing the void that I see what exists.


  1. Oh Ronda...I have no words. Just admiration and love.

  2. Oh Dear Girl! How well I remember that day. My mother chose not to sweet sister-in-law made me two cloth bags with long ribbons to hold the drainage balls.
    Will keep praying that you get stronger every day! You are a Warrior now!

  3. I remember the day I first saw my scar. I was five months pregnant with my second child and I was feeling like my breasts were finally useful for something. I was devastated to find half of my breast missing at a time when they meant something to me and my unborn child. Fifteen years later the area around the scar is still numb but I hardly notice anymore. I had a to have part of my right breast removed a few years ago so now I'm not as lopsided. And, I'm alive. So many emotions surrounding that kind of surgery though. Thinking of you!

  4. You continue to amaze and inspire! I know Father will assist you as you recover. Don't forget that hundreds (at least!) are praying for you. You are loved!

  5. Oh Ronda~ my heart is aching. Prayers for strength and peace are coming your way. XO

  6. Tears streaming...I love you Ronda. Yes, we are not these bodies, I have to remind myself of this daily. I'm blessed to have you in my life.